LowComDom Performances Presents
The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar
You Know You're DOOMED When...
your boss walks up, laughing, and says, "I have a dream ..."
You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.
This Crapolla is sponsored by...
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In This Issue...
The meaning of life.
Take a Letter
Morbit writes ...
in your last crappola your reference Exit 8 as a bad place to have a conference. As a NJ resident (who lives at exit 109) you are full of shit. Have you ever been to exit 8?? It is absolutely beautiful.
now stop his foolishness, or bullshit. you may choose your adjective.
PS. the guy on the other side of my cube wall has the sound of a toilet flushing on his computer. Every time he feels his time is wasted he plays it. It is played so often that I believe it is just on repeat.
You would like it here. lots of ammunition for you column. we have been restricted (via software) from viewing many things on the net. no fun anymore.....
of course as computer people we immediately figured out a way to mask where we are going. hackers at heart!!!
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION
Oh you're right! If I squint, it looks just like Maui.
Start your crying, girls. The race is over, and you lost!
Recently, I attended Moockie's nuptials. (Sounds dirty if you ask me.) Don't you think Moockie's nuptials should at least be covered in chocolate?
The Bride and Groom were wed in front of a Coca-Cola machine. A guy from the local bottler officiated.
The restaurant hosting the banquet was serving Pepsi. I figured, I'd just grin and bear it when the Best Man tracked me down and delivered four liters of Diet Coke, complements of the Groom. I've got to hand it to the Moock-man, he's class all the way.
Good Luck, Moockie. We'll have your house appropriately re-decorated before you get back from the Honeymoon.
The other day I was pondering about all the companies that had recently gone belly up or were on the brink of the tits-up position. One company I had worked for, (The Klingon High Command) has just made a radical announcement.
The Klingon High Command had been established in the early 1990's It started very early in the last boom. It tootled along through the boom, and near the end, decided to go public. When going public, the company gathered more people together to, for lack of a better phrase, look bigger. It then went public and used the IPO money to pay all these people it had hired. Going public appears to have effectively killed this company. It was doing okay until people started filling out IRS Form 83b.
The big question on my mind is, "Was the internet boom just a big pyramid scheme to steal money from stockholders?" If you think about it, the money from shareholders was funneled into the companies, who gave it to two groups, the employees and the customers. The employees received salary and stock. The customers got shareholder money by buying products at below cost prices. The net effect is that we pumped money out of pensions and gave it to young people who are a long way from retirement. All this shareholder money got converted into BMW's, Nerf toys, Stroke-Mags, and Diet Coke (not in that order).
I headed off to the Cheese Steak place while thinking about this and saw on the cover of a newspaper that Venture Capitalist John Doerr had apologized for saying a long time ago that the internet was, "the largest legal creation of wealth in the history of the planet." Now that everything has gone to hell with people just trying to make money and not companies, Doerr looks like a big bucket-head.
Part of me is screaming that there has to be a better reason to start a company other than knocking over the pensions of people who don't know any better. I know, they were greedy too, and thought they were going to get rich quick. But ask yourself, why did the guy down the street open a gas station? Not to become a billionaire by age 40, but to make a living. Yeah, we all want to make money, but don't we also want to be the best donut maker in town, or be the guy to see about lumber? Don't you realize that Don King in boxing to help young people?
The Klingon High Command started out this way. It was one guy's effort to solve a problem many people where having. It turned into a money grab. The announcement that the Klingon High Command made was that they are getting out of the hardware business. Uh... but they make computers. That was the problem the founder was trying to solve. Now he has a boat-load of cash, but he's not solving that problem anymore.
Let me go scratch my head.
Bill Clinton NOT Involved in Intern Scandal!
Let's play, "Who said this?"
Heard in the halls of various software companies.
"I may be quick and easy, but I'm not cheap!"
"I'm going home. I have the runs."
"Give me five minutes, I'm being diabolical."
"I know you've got Satan out there working for you."
"What was the name of Black Beard the Pirate's ship?"
"I don't know. You're on the internet, look it up!"
"How much vitamin E are you taking daily?"
"Are you worried?"
"Well... you're new."
"You have questions, we make up answers."
"Charles is the battery monitor."
"Welcome to the chimp cage!"
"So should I buy Trojan stock?"
"It's procedure to give you crap that doesn't work."
I must check my portfolio
(Inventor of Chocolate Cheesy Bunny - Morale Officer - The Last Honest Geek)
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