LowComDom Performances Presents
The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar
You Know You're DOOMED When...
the patch to the patch to the patch you just published... has a bug.
You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.
This Crapolla is sponsored by...
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In This Issue...
Name Withheld Upon Request writes...
There's a class-action lawsuit against my company. Two groups of lawyers have written to me asking that I sign papers with them to become a plaintiff. How do I choose which lawyers to go with?
Are you mental? You're going to sue the company you are currently employed by? Did you want to keep this job?
I don't know if you've noticed it but it SUCKS to be unemployed right now. Unless you have plenty of Fuck You Money you might want to observe Fek'Lar's Rule Number One: Stay Employed!
Class-Action lawsuits are cleaver ways for lawyers to buy their children braces and BMW's. You, the poor bastard, are not going to see any money. You'll probably end up with a gift certificate from KFC if you're lucky. Meanwhile, your company will be harmed, and your standing in the company is going straight into the shitter.
My advice is to write several times on your whiteboard, "I will not join class-action lawsuits against the company."
Of course this would be different if you had already left the company. Since then you wouldn't need them, you could feel free to pile-on. If you were laid off by the company, you could also send them a copy of your papers as a "courtesy" to ensure they know you are giving them the finger.
Harold Peterson writes...
Okay, so I tried out your suggestion. I went to Wal-mart and got a bottle of Sam's Choice "Grapette" grape soda and a bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips. Hmmm... doesn't seem to be working yet... Oops, forget the Diet Coke! Washed some more chocolate chips down with a glass of Diet Coke With Lime, and it worked! It did a number on my stomach, but I could have stayed awake through the vice-presidental debates (something to remember for 2008). I owe you a buffet dinner.
Also, here's a new picture:
-Harold Peterson (Ph.D. student at DRI in Reno, NV)
p.s.: In the "Who said this?" section, shouldn't it be "You need to learn to revel in others' pain" instead of "reveal"?
Glad you're finally awake. Now if we can just get the rest of America to wake up and smell the stimulants.
I don't edit the "Who Said This" section. These are the words of your un-washed peers. Just like I didn't correct the mistake in your letter.
Mmmmm... buffet! Maybe the next time I go to the National Championship Air Races.
Are you near the county seat? It looks like there's a big pile of bullshit behind you in the new picture. Maybe you're just outside your Ph.d. advisor's house.
I hope you're not drinking while you read this. The New York Times has run an article claiming that a full third of all new car warrantee issues are microprocessor and software related. Problems from turning on the heater on a hot summer's day to shuting down the drive train on the freeway.
Star Trek Enterprise has been canceled. Damned shame. After two crappy seasons, the show started to figure out what it was supposed to be last year, and this year has been great. But once you lose your audience, it's almost impossible to build it back up.
I hope Paramount gives Trek a rest, and then comes back in five years with a new Executive Producer. Rick Berman and Brannon Braga are clearly the problem. Manny Coto who has been running the show as Line Producer this year is the solution.
You'll recall from craps 9910 and 9912 my dislike of diamond lanes. I figure that since you have paid for the lane with gasoline taxes, you should be allowed to use them. Here's the latest on this asinine idea.
The Valley Transit Authority (VTA) is the government agency which runs the bus system in Sillycon Valley. They will get you from here to there if you don't have a car, and more importantly, if you have the time. Not a quick solution, but a solution. This government agency is floating the idea that if you are willing to pay a fee you should be allowed to use the diamond lane even if you are not carpooling. So it's not really about encouraging carpooling and alternative energy? It's not about saving the planet? It's about taxes? I'm shocked!
Diamond lanes have always been a political punishment for living in a system in which the politicians failed to properly plan for growth. These guys are going to turn the freeways into toll roads, and for what end? To subsidize a transit district which is on financially shaky ground.
Does this sound familiar? It would if you lived in Marin County and worked in San Francisco. There is no way to get to the city unless you pay the Golden Gate Bridge District. These guys own the Golden Gate Bridge, but also run a bus and ferry boat system which has always been a big money sink hole. This is why the Golden Gate Bridge is one of the shortest spans, yet has the highest toll in the state.
I'm not saying the VTA is as incompetent as the GGBD. I find it more likely that their woes come from Sacramento taking all of the tax money. But this idea of toll lanes just sticks in the craw. Here's a lane you already pay for, which they reserved for carpoolers, but now the rich gets to use it too.
SpongeBob Gay! Tinkie-Winkie is His Lover! Barney Jilted!
Attention Wal-Mart Shoppers! Would James Dobson please come to the pharmacy? You're anti-wacho medication has been waiting here for three weeks!
Heard in the halls of various software companies.
"Yeah, why don't you transfer me to the pissed off customer department?"
"You're twice the man that she is!"
"IT are 9 AM guys? I would wait until 11, and then go over there and wait for them to arrive."
My windows are going up and down.
(The Last Honest Geek)
Remember: The Crapolla contains my personal opinions. That's right they're mine, so get your own! And you kids get off my lawn!
Although written with the software professional in mind, my mind tends to wander all over the place, and I sometimes write about politics, mass stoopidity, dumb things I saw, and whatever else comes to mind.
From time to time, I use salty language, thus The Crapolla is not intended for children, or certain people in the Bush Administration.
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