LowComDom Performances Presents
The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar
You Know You're DOOMED When...
You realize all your friends are happier than you, then you remember they're all on anti-depressants - and you're not.
You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.
This Crapolla is sponsored by...
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In This Issue...
The tornado hits the trailer, and one of your letters.
Many moons ago, I worked at a little start up company that was acquired by a larger startup company. The larger company had a plan. A book entitled Inside The Tornado: Marketing Strategies from Silicon Valley's Cutting Edge, by Geoffrey A. Moore described a strategy that reportedly would ensure we grabbed market dominance. The entire company was told to read the book, because that was what we were going to do. This two part strategy, which in a nutshell said to "Just ship it irregardless of quality, we'll fix it later" did work. The larger company was Netscape, and Navigator became the new killer app.
As I said, Navigator became the new killer app. That means even the press woke up and noticed it. People didn't have a connection to the internet; they had "Netscape". They didn't even know really what the internet was. They did know what "Netscape" was. This is all fine and dandy. Netscape delivered many million copies of Navigator to consumers. Many, many different versions of Navigator meant many, many different sets of bugs. Hell even the bugs weren't compatible.
The Crapolla Mailbag
Dear Mr. FekLar,
Harry in Cube 64
The reason people have hair on their head is to keep the brain warm. As people lose hair, their brain begins to cool and slow down. To compensate for the evolutionary disadvantage of slower brain functions, evolution has created the hierarchy. This began by establishing tribal elders, and then the Pharaohs, Phd's, etc. As the individual's brain slows, they move up along the hiererarchy ladder. Persons with particularly slow brains become members of Congress.
Hair loss is not the only cause of brain slowing, or as it's more commonly known, stupidity. Meetings are very hazardous to brain cells. Go to any meeting and watch the IQ's drop. The trouble is while you're watching their IQ slide to the basement, they're doing the same to you. I always show up late, then sit next to the door and leave early. Meetings are like drinking Everclear, moderation is important.
You might be wondering why we promote the stupid and give them more money. Again, this is not a reward system. Society needs to invest more resources in the stupid so they don't die off. Your manager is spending a fortune calling tow trucks to open the car door because he's always leaving the keys in the ignition. These idiots aren't just losing their hair, but everything else. We also tend to want to lump these folks together, making it easier to keep track of the stupid. We call these institutions BMW Dealers and Country Clubs.
I've noticed a couple of perfectly healthy thinkers attempting to imitate the stupid attempting to get a raise. They lose their wallet and spend the morning calling people to replace everything. Trouble is this ability to replace the contents betrays their intelligence to the world. These people never move up the hierarchy ladder. The system works.
Let's play, "Who said this?"
Heard in the halls of various software companies.
"I'm so glad I don't have a job!"
"Thank you for generating a large file with no data, now go back and generate a large file with data in it."
"This whole move to Belgium would be a whole lot easier if it were over."
"As always, I'm at your service."
"When you're on anti-depressants, it's much easier to aim a gun!"
I have to onBlur="submit()" something.
(Destroyer of Laptops - Morale Officer - The Last Honest Geek)
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