LowComDom Performances Presents
The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar
You Know You're DOOMED When...
your manager tells you to do what he needs, not what he told you to do.
You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.
This Crapolla is sponsored by...
In This Issue...
Jail Time and Management Exams.
But First, This Correction ...
Matt Taylor from Purdue University writes ...
Being the anal-retentive type, complete with O.C.D. tendencies, I note that in you last issue (crap9909) you said "..to get rid of the big dept they owe Fry's Electronics." I believe that you mean 'debt' unless I am terribly missing the point of the sentence. Do me a favor, don't paint the car, blow the fucker up.
Matt that's quite a request you've made. I'm not sure how Steph is going to take this. After all he's from Detroit where the weak are killed and eaten. And you know, he sleeps with that car. But since you carefully crafted your letter in the manner befitting someone who is paying way too much for his education, sure let's nuke it!
As my favorite author might write, "I shall, Master Taylor. And so fare thee well: Thou never shalt see Steph's car any more."
Recently I had the honor of serving on a jury. Normally when people get a jury duty summons there's a audible groan. "But I was going into Toshi Station to pick up some power converters..." Not me. I've wanted to give it a whirl for a while.
Clerk: "The defendant is accused of not commenting his source code."
For some strange reason, people think that in order to get ahead in this life, you have to go into management. If you think about it, it's like saying to get ahead in life, a bait salesman must become a gynecologist. Obviously, we're talking about very different skills. Usually when an engineer becomes a manager, the result is the loss of a perfectly good engineer creating products, and the gain of a really shitty manager screwing up productivity.
If you answered yes to less than four of these questions, stay in engineering.
Computer Viruses Threaten to Take Over the World!!!
Let's play, "Who said this?"
Heard in the halls of various software companies.
"I always talk before I think."
"The US uses colors that are light and airy."
"In Germany they use colors that are dark and Arian."
"You know it's a bad day when you forget the alphabet. Where is "F" again?"
"Hmmmm. Maybe I found it up your ass? When lighting farts, one must be careful of the backdraft."
"They've been around the sheep a little too long."
"It won't work so long as whatever's messed up is messed up."
"If it ain't there, it ain't there."
"That's not fucking indicative of shit."
"Beer. The cause of, and solution to, all of of life's problems."
"Do you have an opposable thumb?"
"Uh ... no ..."
"This application is trying to help me out, but it's only slowing me down."
"Sounds like my ex-wife."
I must post bail.
(Destroyer of Laptops - Morale Officer - The Last Honest Geek)
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