LowComDom Performances Presents
Film Review - Rock, The
I really hope the United States Marines is not filled with idiots like this.
The Rock is fun the way a car chase scene is fun. We know this is a fantasy of life, because if it were true, life would truly suck.
The premise: Ed Harris is the leader of a bunch of disgruntled Marines who take over Alcatraz and are going to shoot a bunch of poison at San Francisco if they aren't given a bunch of money.
They steal the nastiest nerve agent ever made. It's so nasty they put it in easy-to-break glass balls (great for parties!) Enter Nicolas Cage. He knows all about nasty stuff and bombs. He knows how to disarm missiles. What he doesn't know is how to get into Alcatraz.
Enter Sean Connery, as the whacked-out prisoner who has dirt on everyone in the government so we have to keep him in jail. Sean knows how to negotiate, and gets a room with a view at the Fairmont. He also gets a bitchin' suit and gets this close to killing the head FBI clown. Not bad for an old man.
Sean really wants to see his daughter, so he sets up one of those famous San Francisco car chase scenes so we won't get too bored.
OK, half of this movie is set up. This should normally be done in the first 15 minutes, but we're still awake. Finally, they get out Sean's old James Bond toys and break into The Rock.
Now we learn that Marines can hit anything they shoot at, and Nicolas Cage doesn't handle stress too well. (Well, he is playing with those glass balls.)
This is a completely absurd movie that would be laughed at if it weren't summer. Being summer, we cut bad movies like this a break.