LowComDom Performances Presents
LowComDom announces a New Year of World Wide Wackiness
January 1, 1997, New York, NY
As the big ball finished its journey at the stroke of midnight in New York City, LowComDom Performances unveiled to the internet Volume II Issue I of World Wide Wackiness (http://www.lowcomdom.com), the product of LowComDom's Web Publishing Division.
As midnight approached, computer geeks, attending a party in the ballroom atop World Trade Center Tower II, became very excited as they made contact with LowComDom's World Wide Web server 2,600 miles away in California. Every few seconds the web browsers would refresh their copies of LowComDom's home page. Meanwhile in Alviso, Calif., the seconds ticked by to 8:59:55 p.m. local time (five seconds before midnight in New York) when a Unix cron process began moving over 500 web, graphic and sound files in place. When the home page changed at the stroke of midnight, the Geeks opened fresh cans of Diet Coke in celebration.
Volume II Issue I features a new user interface which makes navigation of the web site simple. "You can get anywhere from anywhere with this new look," said Fred Barling, LowComDom Vice President of Research & Silliness. "We found that a lot of people would find one of our web pages and wouldn't realize that there was so much more available. Visitors will see all that is available, no matter if they enter through our home page, or Mojo-Cam or Da Joke of Da Day."
Other new features on World Wide Wackiness include sound in the Online Dictionary, LowComDom's adventure in Las Vegas, the latest letter to Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream, and a page to inform visitors what has been added to the site since their last visit.
LowComDom President and Founder Biff Pondwater made several announcements.
Da Joke List, LowComDom's email joke service on the Internet has reached a daily readership of several thousand in over 26 countries and 130 universities in the United States. "This was a big growth year for us. At the beginning of 1996, all of our numbers were very modest. We decided to build slowly and continuously throughout the year. I think we've built a very loyal readership that knows that our brand of humor will get delivered every day without fail," said Pondwater.
The numbers for the web site are equally amazing. "Currently, 4,500 people visit our web site every week. That's not "hits." Anyone can make a big number out of hits. We measure unique internet addresses that contact our web server. If they come back tomorrow, it still counts as one in the week's tally. I know that might not sound like a large number of people, but multiply 4500 by 52 and you get 234,000 people. Now go out on the street and try to do performance art all year long, 24/7. How many people do you think you'd entertain? I'm really happy with this number!"
Chris Everett, Feeder of Mojo - Gato Division, was named LowComDom Chairman of the Bored. Mr. Everett began singing "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer..."
Fred Barling, Vice President, Research & Silliness, was promoted to Senior Vice President - Content & Sprocket Holes. Mr. Barling announced he was headed back to his suite in the Park Plaza Hotel, where he would watch a movie on Pay-Per-View. LowComDom Chairman of the Bored Chris Everett continued singing "95 bottles of beer on the wall, 95 bottles of beer ..."
Peter "Moockie" Mock was named Vice President of Research & Silliness. Moockie put down his latest Lego project long enough to say, "Oh, does this mean I host the Friday afternoon burrito parties now?" Chris Everett, LowComDom Chairman of the Bored, said, "91 bottles of beer on the wall, 91 bottles of beer ..."
Julie Gavello was named Official Voice of the LowComDom Online Dictionary. Sound files of Ms Gavello demonstrating the use of many of the words in the 1997 edition of the dictionary rolled online at midnight. Ms Gavello turned to LowComDom Chairman of the Bored, Chris Everett, and slapped him upside the head with a bottle of beer. Mr. Everett returned to his suite in the Park Plaza Hotel to feed Mojo.
Pondwater also announced LowComDom's intention to begin publishing a monthly editorial column on the motion picture business. "The column is shaping up nicely. It will be titled 'Iris In,' which refers to a silent film era visual effect which focused the audience's attention on one part of the picture. We'll have 'Iris In' on the web site, as well as a mailing list," said Pondwater.
LowComDom was founded in 1985 by Biff Pondwater who found a bag of money behind a restaurant in San Francisco's "Little Italy" and used the money to stage his first performance. The rightful owners of the money sued Pondwater and settled out of court, agreeing to accept two of Pondwater's fingers in exchange for the cash. Pondwater went on to become a genius of Octal Mathematics.
LowComDom Performances is funded by a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts. Partially because we need money to pull this stuff off, but mostly to piss of Senator Jesse Helms.
LowComDom, Da Joke List, & Gag-O-Matic are trademarks of LowComDom Performances. Legos is a registered trademark of The LEGO Group, Ben & Jerry's is a trademark of Ben & Jerry. Unix is a trademark of someone else, but we forgot who.
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