LowComDom Performances Presents
LowComDom Announces it's Ready for 2000!
January 6, 1999 - Alviso California
On Jan. 1, 2000, your bank might lose all your money. The power might go out. Your VCR might only record re-runs of "The Andy Griffith Show." Your credit cards might not work. Airplanes may fall out of the sky. But there will be something to laugh at on the Internet.
LowComDom Performances, the leading provider of humor on the net, announced today it had beaten the Y2K problem. The announcement was made by LowComDom Founder and President Biff Pondwater during a "Kill Y2K" party at LowComDom headquarters. One employee was playing Y2K in disguise; the other employees searching for Y2K would beat each other over the head with an inflatable hammer asking, "Are you Y2K compliant?" Any employee answering "No" would continue to be beaten.
"There's a lot of sado-masochism in Sillycon Valley," said Pondwater. "To solve our Y2K issues, we simply harnessed the sado-masochistic powers of our employees to get the job done."
Y2K wasn't nearly as much of a challenge as the company thought it would be. "Most of our systems are rather old. We pick up junk from stores, hand-me-downs, systems put out for the trash. You'd think that getting all of this to be four-digit happy would be a major bear from all the press you hear," said Pondwater. The savior turned out to be U.S. Military surplus UNIX servers.
"A bunch of these computers were ripped out of old military systems," said Dexter P. Lampshade, LowComDom's Chief Y2K Hunter and Director of Snack Food & Action Figures. "The Air Force had built these systems on the philosophy that the human race might be vaporized long before 2000, but their e-mail system might have survived World War III, and any machine not vaporized had better still be delivering e-mail. Kinda makes you feel proud, don't it?
"What I don't understand," continued Lampshade, "is why we're putting pictures of a cat on the Internet. They have me working on night vision cameras for this thing they have called Mojo-Cam. What a waste of technology! We have cameras that can see your neighbors through the walls of their house, and we're pointing them at a cat!"
Pondwater said announcements of Mojo-Cam upgrades will be made as they go online.
Meanwhile, as the world spins towards certain disaster just 11 1/2 months from now, LowComDom will continue to publish humor from their World Wide Wackiness website at www.lowcomdom.com as well as daily e-mailings from their Da Joke List mailing service, thanks to the United States Air Force.
LowComDom was founded in 1985 by Pondwater, who found a bag of money behind a restaurant in San Francisco's "Little Italy" and used the money to stage his first performance. The rightful owners of the money sued Pondwater and settled out of court, agreeing to accept two of Pondwater's fingers in exchange for the cash. Pondwater went on to become a genius of Octal Mathematics. The company's website opened January 1996.
LowComDom, Da Joke List, & World Wide Wackiness are trademarks of LowComDom Performances. No Microsoft trademarks were used. Well, except for mentioning that. Sit down, Bill.
### 30 ###