LowComDom Performances Presents
LowComDom Opens Store-O-Wackiness
November 1, 2001 - Alviso, California
The dot-com melt-down has taken its toll on many e-tailers, but this lucrative internet space is "not quite dead yet" in the words of Biff Pondwater.
LowComDom Performances, the leading provider of internet Performance Art and Humor, today unveiled the Store-O-Wackiness. Pondwater, Founder and President of LowComDom, proudly opened the new online store at LowComDom's annual Halloween Bash at a near-by indoor shooting range.
"The LowComDom Store-O-Wackiness is where your attitude can feel like it has died and gone to Disney World!" Pondwater said, costumed as a very befuddled dot-com'er. "I think that's what killed off many of the other e-tailers. They just weren't having fun with it."
Pondwater continued that he felt waiting these years for the "sticks in the mud" to die off was the right choice. "We didn't want to out 'banner ad' everyone else. We've been waiting for everyone without a business plan to die off. Now it's just us, Amazon, and those guys selling that X-10 Camera. As soon as they go under, the net retailing thing is all ours!"
The Store-O-Wackiness features LowComDom logo'ed merchandise, and promises items of political and social satire. "Can you imagine the Presidential Campaign T-Shirts we could do?" commented Skippy Robinson, Marketing Dood, who attended the party dressed as his mother. "With the infrastructure we've built, we can whip out new products on a dime!"
There was a small mishap at midnight when Dexter P. Lampshade, Director of Snack Food & Action Figures accidentally pushed old etoys web pages to the server, rather than the Store-O-Wackiness files. "Ah, gimme a break! I'm drunk!" muttered Lampshade.
When asked where the profits from the store would be used, Robinson commented that the group was still searching for LowComDom's Director of Civil Unrest Svald Yahhshure who went missing, and was presumed kidnapped, from a Cabo San Lucas, Mexico resort.
"We've got to find Svald. He's been one of the evil geniuses since the beginning of LowComDom," said Robinson. "People don't realize how dangerous performance art really is, and then poof, one guy's missing. Luckily air fare these days is very reasonable. But as you know we no longer are funded by the National Endowment for the Arts. We really need this revenue stream to keep the search for Svald going!"
The LowComDom Store-O-Wackiness is located at http://www.lowcomdom.com/store.
LowComDom was founded in 1985 by Pondwater, who found a bag of money behind a restaurant in San Francisco's "Little Italy" and staged his first performance. The rightful owners of the money sued Pondwater and settled out of court, agreeing to accept two of Pondwater's fingers in exchange for the cash. Pondwater went on to become a genius of Octal Mathematics. The company's website, World Wide Wackiness, opened January 1996.
LowComDom, Store-O-Wackiness & World Wide Wackiness are trademarks of LowComDom Performances. Amazon is a trademark of some people who live in Brazil.
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