LowComDom Performances Presents
Here is how we handle information we gather when you come to LowComDom's World Wide Wackiness.
If you do nothing during your visit but browse through the web site and read pages, we will gather and store certain information automatically. This information does not identify you personally. (Although we could probably figure it out if we really wanted.) We automatically collect and store only the following information.
We use this information to learn about the number of visitors to our site. We do not track or record information about individuals. We're really crappy at record keeping anyway. You know I haven't balanced my checkbook in three years. It's all a matter of time before this gold mine I'm sitting on comes crashing down, taking out several high-powered Sillycon Valley venture capitalists with it.
By the way, is your screen really That's a lot of pixels!
We do not collect personal information for any purpose other than to respond to you. We do not create individual profiles with the information you provide. (See the comment above about our shitty record-keeping. Hey, we don't owe you money, do we? Do you have a signed contract?)
LowComDom does not collect information for commercial marketing. We HATE SPAM. We wish we could wipe it out. We will not sell names. It promotes SPAM, and it's not what you came here for. You asked for jokes: that's what you're going to get, and nothing else! (Except maybe the abuse you're reading on this page.)
Sell server logs. Only dorks do this.
Violate other's personal space and/or snap other people's bras. We used to, but we've had the shit kicked out of us too many times.
We do not send threatening letters to the President of the USofA from an address we picked out of our web log. The Secret Service usually figures this out when they storm your house at 3 a.m. and throw you up against the wall in your Spiderman Underoos. They fish through your computer and see you have only been here and 14 porn sites. These guys can put two and two together real fast.
We do not use products of a certain company in Redmond, because we don't trust them. We'd love to tell you more, but any more than that and we'll probably be defending ourselves in court.
We do not issue cookies without a really good reason, and then always issue milk with the cookie.
The name of a person on the mailing lists may not be revealed to a person outside the company, even if they are a porn star.
Web logs are for statistical use only and not for blackmailing purposes.
Cameras are for blackmailing purposes.
MojoCam cameras may not photograph the kitty box. It's in his contract.
Close the door when we use the restroom.
Wear pants in the presense of a lady.
If there's anything you don't understand about this policy or need more clarity on, please don't hesitate to write me. We'll read this letter at the weekly staff meeting and have a good laugh.
Founder and President