The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar

You Know You're DOOMED When...

your manager speaks of a monumental task and finishes with, "luckly we have too many people in this department."

You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.

This Crapolla is sponsored by...

In This Issue...

Attention K-Mart Shoppers...

Oh No, They Aren't Saying Anything Bad...

Did you see where the Dockers Brand from Levi is going to sell pants with radiation shielding in the pockets? This way your cell phone won't make your goodies glow. The back pedaling was comical.

Quoting a Reuters article...

"We're not implying in any way that mobile phones are dangerous," Levi's European communications manager Cedric Jungpeter told Reuters.
"Our intention is not to cash in on consumer fears but provide the consumers with what they want," he said from Levi's European headquarters in Brussels.

Sure, you're not playing on our fears.

Is It Possibly Getting Better?

Orders for durable goods, unemployment statistics, the balance of payments, these are all methods of measuring the health of the economy. Is it possible I have discovered a new method?

This past week at WTHAIS all who attended the latest work of fiction from Marketing received a chachka. It was a small key chain which contained an even smaller Yo-Yo on which the company logo was printed. Like the Marketing department who spent hours in meetings to decide what color the chachka should be, the Yo-Yo doesn't actually work.

It's not that we got a Yo-Yo that got my attention, it's that we got a chachka. Companies only give out free shit that does nothing when times are good. What does this chachka mean? Is this some new leading indicator on the economy? Should I invest in chachka companies? Or does it mean we have someone new in Marketing who used to work for Novell? (For the new people, Novell is a company that made a small fortune -- out of a big one.)

Hmmm, a clear plastic, see-through Yo-Yo that is only good for tying to your finger, swinging over your head, and clobbering the guy from marketing. Yes, I do believe this is a sign that things are getting better.

From the Clueless in Aisle 10 Department

It's now very easy to figure out why K-Mart is going down the tubes. Here they are in Chapter 11 and what are they spending money on? A web site where people can say how great they are.

Let me ask you this, if they were so great would they need the web site? Would they be in Chapter 11? Kmartforever.com is where K-Mart drones go to kiss blue light ass.

They have odd little stories about a woman whose water broke in a K-Mart (Clean up on aisle 10!) and then named the little monster Marty after K-Marty.

Hey guys. Maybe you could just have the products you run on sale in stock and save me from having to ask for a rain check on Diet Coke next time. Maybe then I wouldn't have the feeling that YOU SUCK!

This Issue's Headline submission to the National Daily World Enquiring Globe.

Bush Makes Up His Mind!

This Season He'll Have Potato Chips Instead of Pretzels!

Let's play, "Who said this?"

Heard in the halls of various software companies.

"Your class was a joke, and the test is off subject. Sorry, am I being too vague?"

"When is the next database crash scheduled?"

"Lift with your subordinates, not with your back!"

"This isn't about learning. This is about taking good notes so you can puke it back at them on the test."

"Wow! The day goes by much faster if you show up ridiculously late!"

Excuse Me

Jiffy Pop is on sale!

Fek'Lar
(The Last Honest Geek)

Remember: The Crapolla contains my personal opinions. That's right they're mine, so get your own! And you kids get off my lawn! This whole mess is copyright © 2002 by LowComDom Performances, all rights reserved. Wanna send this to your friends? Go ahead and pass out the URL.

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EOJ

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