The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar

You Know You're DOOMED When...

you learn that your "new cube" is really just a chalk outline outside.

You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.

This Crapolla is sponsored by...

In This Issue...

Tracking Bullshit From Orbit

The Bullshit Spreads to Milwaukee

I was listening to NPR in the car on the way to work today. They were interviewing a priest in Milwaukee who was the only clergy for a parish of three churches. They asked how he did it.

He said he empowered his lay-people and dialogued with them.

Huh? Did this guy escape from The People's Republic of Berkeley? Empower and dialog were the bullshit words of the 90's. Empower is a bullshit word that means "do it yourself, I'm the only priest here!" In the 90's everyone was empowered. Usually these people had no real power. But this bullshit word made them feel better as they were given no real help.

I once knew a woman whose daughter was hitting the teenage put-the-chastity-belt-on-them years. She told me that they had dialogued about sex and waiting. I told her that you dialog with your computer. You talk with your children.

She told me I didn't know anything about being a parent, and since I'm a white guy, I was responsible for all that was evil in the world. (Who told her?) She got this bullshit from radio station KPFA in (you guessed it) the People's Republic of Berkeley.

Not four years later, the daughter was knocked up.

You've heard me speak about right-wing non-sense. Here's an example of left-wing lunacy. Words like empower and dialog are like Hamburger Helper, they dress up something that is low grade. Empowering people to take back their neighborhood from gangs without extra police is like telling deer that the bullets aren't real. Dialoguing with your daughter is a poor substitute for having a real relationship with her so she learns your values.

So I wonder how that priest empowered his flock while he dialogued with them. Perhaps he explained how to abuse the alter boys.

I've Got Your iPod Shuffle Right Here!

Have you seen this? It's a stick of gum that plays music. The trouble is, it's not a very good stick of gum.

iPod Shuffle is the latest music player from Apple. Unlike the iPod, there is no hard drive. The device has either a 512 Megs or a Gig of memory. You plug the iPod Shuffle into your computer's USB port and iTunes randomly puts music onto it. After you undock, iPod Shuffle randomly plays the music.

Apple marketing strikes again! Here's a crippled device which uncharacteristically has a piss-poor user interface, and Apple uses this as a selling point. Damn, these people could sell snow to Eskimos.

To illustrate how silly the iPod Shuffle is, you can build your own. Here's how.

Put down your Diet Coke.
Blindfold yourself.
Pick a CD out of a pile of all CDs you own.
Put the CD into your CD player and press the random button.
Put in your white ear buds and tell yourself how cool you are.

Put like this doesn't iPod Shuffle seem like crippleware that's in vogue?

Maps.Google.Com

Google has really cool stuff. The latest I've played with is maps.google.com. Not only are there maps, but you can also look at satellite images. You can look at entire cities, or just the Playboy Mansion (10236 Charing Cross Rd Westwood, CA 90024). You can scroll blocks at a time. This is just insanely great.

Now for all you X-Files fans out there, please go to maps.google.com and look up 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW, Washington, DC 20006, zoom in all the way and go to satellite mode. Notice anything weird? That's right, you aren't allowed to look at the roof of the White House, or the two buildings nearby. Why do you think this is? Send your ideas in, and we'll see what the collective wisdom is.

For even more fun, scroll down and to the right until you get to the U.S. Capitol Building. Now check your glasses because it's all fuzzy. The Capitol and the Senate and House office buildings are low-res, just like members of Congress. However the Supreme Court is clear as a bell.

Google is an interesting company with sometimes strange hiring practices, but they have cool stuff.

This Issue's Headline submission to the National Daily World Enquiring Globe.

Area 51 Shocker!

Space Alien Gives Interview! Sez Jacko Really IS Peter Pan!

Let's play, "Who said this?"

Heard in the halls of various software companies.

"Having 9 million passwords is slightly more than stupid."

"Shoes are for the protection of the feet."
"You silly man."

"I think we need to wreck a hard drive."

"I would never lie to you, unless there was a lot of money involved."

Excuse Me

I have to go paint a sign on the roof of my house before the satellite takes the new picture.

Fek'Lar
(The Last Honest Geek)

Remember: The Crapolla contains my personal opinions. That's right they're mine, so get your own! And you kids get off my lawn!

Although written with the software professional in mind, my mind tends to wander all over the place, and I sometimes write about politics, mass stoopidity, dumb things I saw, and whatever else comes to mind.

From time to time, I use salty language, thus The Crapolla is not intended for children, or certain people in the Bush Administration.

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EOJ

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