A friend called and asked if I had seen Tomb Raider on opening day. I hadn't because of an important family function. My friend immediately warned me to lower my expectations. Having the right expectation for a movie is key to enjoying it. Tomb Raider was one of the most highly anticipated films of the summer season. My friend was right ...

This has got to be the most dull, uninspiring action film of all time. The opener is an action scene and I just kept asking myself, "When does this movie really start?"

Here's what passes for a story. Very soon all the planets in the solar system are going to be aligned. When that happens there will be a total solar eclipse and if you happen to be holding a special chunk of metal shaped like a triangle, you can command time. This is complete crap because if you had lived through the 1960's you would know that when the planets align will be the age of Aquarius and peace will rule the planets.

The race is on to find the two chunks of metal that make this triangle. They were hidden because the people who made the triangle killed themselves with the power. However, someone was able to traverse the globe to hide the pieces and build an incredible machine that would have been only possible after the 19th century. And of course they did this five thousand years ago.

I can hear Ham Salad now, "Relax kid, it's only a movie!"

This set up doesn't make sense. You can't believe this at all. Since you can't believe this, you can't get lost in the film. This is the biggest crime a movie can make.

Only two actors in the film actually earned their pay; Jon Voight as Lord Croft, Lara's dead father. He's remorseful for the mistakes of his life, wishing it could have ended differently. Voight is on a role with first Pearl Harbor where he played FDR very convincingly, and now with Tomb Raider. Unfortunately this film isn't worthy of him.

The second real actor of the film is Chris Barrie who plays Lara's butler Hilary. Barrie's previous exposure to American audiences has been his many years on the British TV series Red Dwarf where he played Arnold Rimmer. Barrie plays the butler to a T. He is playing a Lady's Gentleman. Always prim and proper and never over extending. Hilary is the same role that Alfred the butler plays for Bruce Wayne in the Batman series. But these two actors are not enough. Especially since they only play minor roles.

Perhaps the other acting looks so bad because the characters just aren't there. One of the elements I really liked about Indiana Jones was that although he had these adventures and was very strong, he got hurt. "It isn't the years, Honey. It's the mileage." Lara Croft never gets hurt, either physically or emotionally. The only reason I was rooting got this action hero was that the film maker had painted a big sign on her that said, "NOT THE BAD GUY!"

What Tomb Raider is missing is a real story. That means more of the back story needed to be developed. Sure we know that Lara misses her father but that's just not enough.

Too bad. I have been one of the people hoping for a new Indiana Jones film. With Tomb Raider I hoped we would get Indiana Joan. When I bought my ticket, I chose poorly.