In The News...

President Clinton's medical record shows that his worst problems are hoarseness, allergies and weight control His doctor said she has no idea what could possibly give a guy a scratchy throat, red eyes and the munchies. (Bill Maher)

The Supreme Court refused to review Clintons policy on gays in the military. When asked why, they wouldn't tell.

In order to get a mixed group whose members aren't familiar with the OJ Simpson case, the jury is composed of three Tasmanians, three contestants from Wheel Of Fortune, four space aliens, a cocker spaniel and some dead guy.

JFK Jr. says he was inspired to propose when he was gazing out a window pondering the marriage decision one day, when he noticed a Nike ad that said "Just Do It!" Wow, good thing he wasn't sitting there wondering what a sex change operation would be like...

A study shows that kids who eat heavily sugared cereal half an hour before school do better than those who eat it 2 1/2 hours before. Their test scores are grrrrrrreat!

According to a new survey, 35% of men think having sex is a good way to end an argument. Especially if the argument was over whether to have sex. (Jay Leno) I don't know if it's true or not, but it would sure add an interesting twist to those televised presidential debates.

Male firefighters in Iowa are protesting the appointment of the volunteer department's first woman. The leader of the protest said, "The next thing you know, they'll want to vote, run for Congress and ride in the space shuttle."

Nebraska's state tourism board is planning a big publicity push to attract more visitors. It's a big challenge when you've got the glitz and glitter of Iowa right next door.

And finally, McDonald's will soon start serving its Quarter Pounder in an eco-friendly package made from potato starch. Smart diners will toss the burger and eat the wrapper.