Quips & Quotes

You don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with knitting needles. --Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese Food

A true friend knows who you are but likes you anyway.

A great way for to lose weight is to eat naked in front of a mirror. Restaurants will almost always throw you out before you can eat too much. --Frank Varano

Jesus can turn water into wine, but He can't turn your whining into anything. --Mark Steele

Brook's Law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

You can always tell a real friend: When you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job. --Lawrence J. Peter

Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it. --Andrew Young

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

You know what would be cool? If someone who just robbed a bank came running up the street and suddenly just gave you the money. That way, you could turn it in and get the reward, and you wouldn't have to use the ATM for, like, a week. --Michelle Argab rite

Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.

Boy, n.: A noise with dirt on it.

Don't try to change the wind, change the sail.

Anger is just one letter short of danger.

We really don't have any enemies. It's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us.

To get maximum attention, it's hard to beat a good, big mistake.

Nature makes boys and girls lovely to look upon so they can be tolerated until they acquire some sense.

Why is it when we talk to God, we're said to be praying -- but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic? --L. Tomlin

If you wish to succeed, consult three old people

A closed mouth gathers no foot.