In The News...

At President Clinton's big press conference recently, he refused to answer any questions about Monica Lewinsky, Paula Jones or that affair with Miss America. But he did tell the press that he's met someone new, she's very special, but he doesn't want to jinx it by talking about it. -- Jay Leno

Viagra Va-Va-Voom: "What a night I had last night. I'm exhausted. On the way home from work, I stopped at Starbucks, had one of their new Viagra lattes. I was up all night." (Jay Leno)

Food For Thought: "According to Business Age, Elle MacPherson is the world's richest supermodel. She' worth $38 million. Cindy Crawford is worth $36 million. They didn't get this rich from modeling. They got it from saving money on food." (Leno)

Martha, Martha, Martha: Martha Stewart is launching a new television show aimed at children. "She says the show is supposed to teach children that Martha Stewart does everything better than Mommy." (Conan O'Brien)

Starr-y Eyed: Police arrested the Costa Mesa Peeping Tom. He was looking in windows, taping people without their knowledge and monitoring their sex lives. "From now on, he'll be known as Special Prosecutor Tom." (Argus Hamilton)

Smoking Pot: Khmer Rouge leader Pol Pot, dead at 73, was blamed for the deaths of 2 million Cambodians. "The world's a funny place. If he did that in America, he'd be a tobacco company." (Williams)