In The News...

The Big Catch: Forbes magazine published its annual list of the 400 richest men in America. There are no surprises. "The three richest are Bill Gates, Warren Buffett and the fellow who caught Mark McGwire's 70th home run." (Argus Hamilton)

George of the Jungle: Researchers found that animals in the wild are not faithful to their mates. The only mammal that's 100 percent faithful is the marmoset monkey. "And as George Bush discovered, they make adorable running mates." (Hamilton)

In Sports: Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt reportedly has offered to buy Cincinnati Reds majority owner Marge Schott's interest in the team. "If he buys the team, every night will be ball night." (Mark Wheeler)

Take Me Out...: Bill Ingraham of Tewksbury, N.J., is being hauled into court by his neighbors because he's built a full-size baseball diamond in his backyard for his son to practice on. "Perhaps he should have listened to the voices that kept whispering, 'If you build it, they will sue.'" (Premiere)

Still Stories: Britain's National Health Service has banned its doctors from prescribing Viagra until a method is devised to single out the most deserving patients. "Apparently, the British are guaranteed a stiff upper lip and that's about it." (Bob Mills)

The Force: George Lucas has announced the name of his new "Star Wars" movie. It's called "Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace." "Among the titles rejected: 'Oh Those Wacky Wookies,' 'Saving Private Skywalker' and, of course, 'Thanks for Handing Over Your Cash.'" (Premiere)

A Side View: Two new congressional reports conclude there is fraud at the Pentagon. "Said a Pentagon spokesman, 'There are five sides to every story.'" (Premiere)

Those Happy Skies: Passengers on international flights will now be required to provide the name of a next of kin under the new aviation security improvement act. "Of course, those passengers who decide to skip the in-flight meals are exempt." (Mills)

Lotto Pool: This year, for the fifth time in a row, Bill Gates topped Forbes magazine's list of the richest people in America. "To give you an idea of how rich Gates is, the second list was the guy who cleans Gates' pool." (Conan O'Brien)

Soap Dish: NBC has signed a deal to keep its top-rated daytime drama, "Days of Our Lives," on the network through 2004. The show debuted in the '60s. "Network executives are thinking of changing its name to "Decades of Our Lives." (Paul Ecker)