Courtroom

The Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal printed the following questions actually asked of witnesses during a trial (this is for real!)

1. Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

2. The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

3. Were you present when your picture was taken?

4. Were you alone or by yourself?

5. Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

6. Did he kill you?

7. How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

8. You were there until the time you left, is that true?

9. Question: She had three children, right? Answer: Yes Q: How many were boys? A: None Q: Were there any girls?

10. Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

11. Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

12. Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard Q: Was this a male or a female?

13. Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice that I sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work

14. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people

15. Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral

16. Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

17. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting at the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

17. Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you? A: I went to Europe, sir. Q: And you took your new wife?

18. Q: So the date of conception was August 8th? A: Yes Q: And what were you doing at the time?

19. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? A: I have been since early childhood

20. Q: You were shot in the fracas? A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.