Accountants

What's the definition of an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

What's an extroverted accountant? One who, while he's talking to you, looks at your shoes instead of his own.

What's an insolvency practitioner? Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

Why did the auditor cross the road? Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.

How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.

An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.