Pumpernickel

Two 95-year-old men were in the middle of their regular checker game at the Senior Center one day when one of them interrupted the game with the announcement that he had to "get on home!"

"What's your hurry?" asked his friend.

"Me and the wife are having sex today!"

"Sex? How often do you have sex?"

"Every few days! I don't have time to talk but I'll tell you what our secret is -- Pumpernickel bread." And he hurried off.

As his companion was walking home, he passed a bakery and, intrigued, he wandered in. "Do you have any Pumpernickel bread?" he asked the lady behind the counter.

"Yes, sir, we do."

"I'll take 4 loaves," the old man says.

"Four loaves?" the counterperson asked, surprised. "You know that it will get hard in a day or two."

"And dammit!" the old man snarls, "Just why does everybody know about this but me?!"