The costume

My neighbour, John, has a bald head and a wooden leg. He was invited to a fancy costume party, and wanted a costume to hide his head and his leg. So, he wrote to a fancy costume dress company to explain the problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with a note:

"Dear Sir;

Please find enclosed a pirates outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate."

John thought this was terrible because they were simply emphasising his wooden leg, so he wrote a letter of complaint.

A week passed before he received another parcel and another note:

"Dear Sir;

We are sorry that you were unhappy with the costume we sent; please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part."

By now John was really annoyed. They had simply switched from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head. He wrote to the company again, stating in no uncertain terms how he felt about their callous responses.

Yesterday, just before the party, John recieved a third parcel. With this was the following note:

"Dear Sir;

Enclosed please find a bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a caramel apple!"