In The News ...

Foggy Comp: Scores of stage performers are filing workers' compensation claims complaining of respiratory problems, throat irritation and other ailments that they blame on clouds of theatrical fog generated during show tours. Reached for comment, Willie Nelson said, "What theatrical fog?" (Steve Voldseth)

Some sad news: (Tom Kilburn) the man who helped create the world's first stored-program computer in 1948, died in London, this week, after a long illness. He was 0110 0010 1011 years old. (Voldseth)

DOT-COM DEATHWATCH: "Amazon.com" announced Tuesday it's cutting 1,300 jobs. But there IS good news for those workers -- their tell-all books about the company will receive at least a three-star rating from Barnes and Noble. (Which do you think will disappear first? Amazon.com ö or the Amazon rain forest?) (Richard Burkard/ http://www.LaughLine.com)

Manies: A lingerie company in Syracuse, New York state is selling a new line of frilly, lacy panties for men. They're called Manties. Guys, they're attractive and comfortable to wear. But tests have shown they may cause you to forget how to parallel park. And after prolonged use--you may find you have an urge to visit the bathroom in groups. (Toms Lake)

Pat: He's Our Man: The dust has settled at CNN--they made more than 400 job cuts earlier this week. Meanwhile, there's a report Pat Buchanan once tried to take over CNN. He wanted to re-name it the Crazy Nazi Network. (Toms Lake)

Mad Cow: The German government announced Wednesday that it would slaughter an estimated 400,000 cattle in an attempt to curb mad cow disease. * Not fully understanding the announcement, the French nonetheless unconditionally surrendered. (Jim Rosenberg)

Fly It Proud: A new Georgia flag with a much smaller Confederate battle emblem was hoisted above the statehouse Wednesday. * The flag is being promoted in African American communities as, "Now with 30% less slavery!" (Rosenberg)

You Can't Touch This: Producers of the show "60 Minutes" canceled a segment about the Broadway play, "Vagina Monologues." They're worried that saying the word "vagina" on the air would diminish the show's reputation. In a related story, signs outside Hooters Restaurants will no longer include the word "restaurant." (Steve Voldseth)

Saddam Lives: The Iraqi government, at a meeting chaired by President Saddam Hussein, agreed to donate $94 million to poor Americans. It's all part of his new "Compassionate Terrorism" initiative. (Rosenberg)

Faith Based: President Bush is promoting faith-based charities. Religious groups providing social services is not a new idea. For example, a center for unwed mothers is currently being run by the Reverend Jesse Jackson. (Alan Ray)

Read All About It: "Publishers say Bill Clinton's memoirs could fetch over $5 million. Clinton's book on his Washington experience will be called 'Sex, Lies and Bureaucratic Red Tape.' " (Daily Scoop)

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