The Laws of Golf

LAW 1: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 2: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.

LAW 3: The more expensive (and newer) the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.

LAW 4: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant, "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.

LAW 5: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 6: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law 3).

LAW 7: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come.

LAW 8: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist exclusively of 300-pound gorillas.

LAW 9: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 10: Sand is a living entity, and must be treated with kindness and respect. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it always works against you?

LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.

LAW 12: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.