LowComDom Performances Presents
The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar
You Know You're DOOMED When...
someone hands you a fake turd ball-point pen.
You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.
This Crapolla is sponsored by...
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In This Issue...
Washing Up Before Rehab
Summer is here, and that means trade show season has begun. Trade shows are how you get products onto shelves in stores. It's your chance to strut and to have some fun.
The location of a trade show is the key in how much fun you'll have. Fun locations include New York, Atlanta, Orlando, Las Vegas, Newport Beach, and anywhere in Hawaii. Not fun locations include the greater Fresno/Bakersfield area, the Dakotas and Exit 8 in New Jersey.
Assuming your show is in one of the more enjoyable locations, take advantage of the locale. Just remember that you are supposedly there to represent your company. That guy who you were trying to convince that your widget is better then someone else's widget, could be the same guy you will puke on after a long evening drinking. So what ever you do, don't pass out business cards while throwing up, at least not your own.
Vegas is my favorite place for a trade show. Although I must say I was impressed with Atlanta the last time I stayed there. All the men in the group went to a Braves game. The women decided they needed to watch TV en masse that night. The ball game was not interesting for the play on the field, but that every man decided he should buy beer for the entire group, and didn't think to tell anyone that he was going to do it. That meant each man had ten beers. In Tech Support, this is referred to as a "Quality Problem".
When heading for fine dining, remember the folks from the Sales Department have looser expense accounts than we technical people. Make sure they pick up the check. If traveling with several sales folks, have one buy the drinks and one buy the food. See if you can get them to compete for the title, "Champion Spender".
Monkey-Boy Gets Diploma!
Stanford Dean of Law School says, "What the hell? He had the money!"
Let's play, "Who said this?"
Heard in the halls of various software companies.
"Just remember, prostitutes are also 'professionals'."
"If we ever have a war, I'm your supply guy."
"He's look like Howard Hughes on his death bed when I get done with him."
"Four or five Martinis at lunch, and I'll feel much better about this morning."
"I have complete faith that our management will do the wrong thing."
"Dude, this building is so retarded."
"Is that cocaine? Wow! Just like the movies!"
"It's just a minor irritation."
"I thought we laid her off."
"Why does our building sound like a 1950's science fiction movie?"
"Oh Shit! We're on Forbidden Planet!"
"That's the LAST Change Control Board meeting I go to sober!"
"I'm going to go shave."
"Nobody really cares about your legs. Why bother?"
"People not expressing an opinion will have one forced upon them."
"Don't you ever do anything?"
"Well, I'm walking ..."
Here come the Shriners
(Inventor of Chocolate Cheesy Bunny - Morale Officer - The Last Honest Geek)
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