LowComDom Performances Presents
The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar
You know you need to get out more when...
You think Tron was an incredible documentary.
You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.
This Crapolla is sponsored by...
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In This Issue...
There will be no mention of Diet Coke in this issue.
One day, work had piled up, and I just wanted to grab a sandwich and get back to my desk. No time to sit and watch the scenery. I ordered a plain cheese steak to go. My order came up, I grabbed it and left. When I got to WTHAIS, I found I didn't have a plain cheese steak. Should I drive back? Yeah, I should. What Jersey Joe's isn't is inexpensive. I should have what I bought.
I was dreading the line as I walked in. I usually go to lunch early to avoid lines. Now, in the noon hour, it would be a very long wait just to tell Don the sandwich was wrong. Then I heard a whistle, the kitchen staff was motioning me to go over to the pick up counter.
"We gave you the wrong sandwich."
"Yeah, I know."
While I waited, I saw Don chewing out the kitchen staff telling them they had to pay attention. Soon, the guy who had called me over was back with the right sandwich and he threw in french fries. I normally don't eat their fries, but it was a smart gesture. I had been inconvenienced, I should get something for it.
What Jersey Joe's did right was to tell me of the mistake before I could tell them. There was no deflecting of blame. There was an apologetic tone, and from Don's chewing on his staff, it was clear that this sort of thing is well below his standards.
There's a new law that says that Fast Food joints have to post easily-seen boards with calorie counts for their "food". In California, there's a slight difference in the state law versus the federal law, so some of the boards haven't gone up yet. Now before you start pissing in your pants about "big government", I've come up with a way these boards can make the Fast Food industry a ton of money.
The public is going to freak out when they see their favorite meal is more than the daily recommended allowance of calories. No kidding, some of these items are well over 3,000. Right after people come out of the pycho-bloating, they're going to wonder what else they can eat, and this is where the Fast Food joints can pounce.
A while ago, I saw a TV show where chefs in Chicago would deconstruct food and then build new food with the incredients. They decided to make a cheeseburger, but they wanted to take the cow out of the process. The burger patty was made out of what the cow would eat, but - and this is the important part - the burger had to taste like a burger. They even dragged the burger chef who inspired the SNL "Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger, no Coke - Pepsi" sketch in and had him do a taste test. These guys actually made a cheeseburger sans cow.
That's what the Fast Food joints should do. They get their chefs doing a deep R&D project to create food that isn't what it looks, smells, and tastes like. (Some people say they've been doing that for decades!) Then they create a marketing campaign where they tell you that if you eat your three meals a day at their joint, you will actually lose weight. All the thrill of a double bacon chesseburger, none of the guilt, and you'll lose weight if you eat your three squares with them. Then they have a melee over who has the best menu.
Revolution in the Middle East - Disaster in Japan!
Where the Hell Are the Super Heroes When We Need Them?
Heard in the halls of various software companies.
"I do lousy on job interviews because I answer the questions."
"Please do not put wet socks in the toaster."
"It's the price you pay to be able to stand up and pee."
"I don't harass, I abuse."
"They test the way we test, not at all."
I need to go redeem some miles.
They pay me to think. These are my thoughts. Do you think they are getting their money's worth?
Remember: The Crapolla contains my personal opinions. That's right they're mine, so get your own! And you kids get off my lawn!
Although written with the software professional in mind, my mind tends to wander all over the place, and I sometimes write about politics, mass stoopidity, dumb things I saw, and whatever else comes to mind.
From time to time, I use salty language, thus The Crapolla is not intended for children, or certain people from the Christian Right.
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