The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar
You Know You're DOOMED When...
your manager insists you write a letter to his manager on his behalf.
You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.
This Crapolla is sponsored by...
In This Issue...
Books and Burgers
I was shocked last Friday as I dropped by Computer Literacy to look at a book on BASH. "Permanently Closed" the sign said. Below was a number to call if you wanted a refund. (For those who are from out of the area, and Bobb who reads books with large type and water-color pictures, Computer Literacy has been an institution in The Valley since the 80's. They specialized in computer books before anyone else in the book biz had realized there were computer books.)
As I read the fine print, a 20-something man walked out of the fully-stocked store.
"You're dead?" I asked.
"We got closed," he said as he headed for his car.
The fine print on the sign said that Computer Literacy was now an online only store (Fatbrain). I was thinking, "Isn't it a little late to be going into e-business?"
I got together with Trouble for burgers and a flick that afternoon. We wondered how Fatbrain was going to survive against the Amazons of the world. In many cases, Amazon discounts price, and I now can get books without the cost of shipping, and no California sales tax. Unless Fatbrain can match this, they'll be DOA.
The other dimension is how people buy books. In the case of technical books, I want to look at the book before I buy it. I usually have or come up with a problem that the book needs to address. If I can solve the problem with the book, I will buy it. I can't do this online.
As the weekend progressed, I took several breaks from installing a internet addressable drip irrigation system in my back yard. I dropped in at Digital Guru to look at the book on BASH. While flipping through the pages, and realizing this book did not address the problem I want to work on, I lurked a conversation that was going on at the cash register. The cashier was claiming that Barnes & Noble actually owned Computer Literacy and they had shut it down.
Now I am not one who normally takes the word of cashiers whose conversations I am ease-dropping. So I punched in Fatbrain's web address, and sure enough, they declare themselves a Barnes & Noble company. Hmmm ...
Rest in Peace Computer Literacy. You were here before everyone else, and now you've been sucked into the big corporation void (which is not always a bad thing). I guess I'll have to either hit Digital Guru more, or zip past the local Barnes & Noble, were I might see Bobb. After all, they do have those books with large type and water-color pictures.
I mentioned earlier that Trouble and I had gone to burgers and a movie. In fact we had gone to the In-N-Out Burger at McCarthy Ranch, where we practice a brilliant money-making scheme. (In deference to the Digital Pyramid Act of 2000, you are required to send me five bucks if you copy my scam. There, now my lawyer is happy.)
We are now selling booths at In-N-Out on ebay. As you may recall from your last trip to burger heaven, In-N-Out is a prefabricated store. Almost every In-N-Out has the same floor plan as any other. (This makes it easy to send a manager from one to another without too much confusion.) Every In-N-Out Burger has a severe shortage of booths at lunch time.
Trouble and I now show up at 10:30 AM opening time (I don't know how I get up that early on a Friday) and find a primo booth. Then through the magic of a wireless internet hook up, we list the booth on ebay. The buyer can come to lunch assured that when they are ready to plop their butt down, there will be a solid white Fiberglass bench to catch it.
It's a beautiful scam. We get to have a nice lunch, and the auction more than pays for our time and french fries.
And people said there was no money to be made in The Valley this year.
I'm listening to the HP/Compaq merger announcement and there it is, the "S" word. I keep thinking, "they aren't using that word correctly." I take a look at Dictionary.com
Syn er gy
n. pl. syn er gies
I don't think this is what Carly Fiorina meant. What's this 15,000 people synergy she keeps speaking of? Oh! It's the number they're going to lay off!
That's not what the dictionary says it means ...
This Issue's Headline submission to the National Daily World Enquiring Globe.
Nash Bridges Canceled!
Cheech Joins The CHP!
Let's play, "Who said this?"
Heard in the halls of various software companies.
"You have to go into 'Throne Mode'. Clear your body - Clear your mind."
"I dropped my Sony. It works! Those Japanese make TVs like a brick pagoda!"
"What's this? There's freakin' carcasses laying all over the place!"
"What's THC/IP?"
"It's hemp over IP, the Stoners' Protocol."
"The Phantom Puker Strikes Again!"
"When they out law mirrors, only outlaws will look pretty."
Excuse Me
They just called my number.
Fek'Lar
(Inventor of Chocolate Cheesy Bunny - Morale Officer - The Last Honest Geek)
Remember: The Crapolla contains my personal opinions. That's right they're mine, so get your own! And you kids get off my lawn! This whole mess is copyright © 2001 by LowComDom Performances, all rights reserved. Wanna send this to your friends? Go ahead and pass out the URL.
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EOJ
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