The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar

You Know You're DOOMED When...

your manager wants to trade you to another group for two janitors to be named later.

You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.

This Crapolla is sponsored by...

In This Issue...

Exit 8 or Exit 8, and Paying for the Worms.

Damn the Spell Checker - Full Speed Ahead!

Miss Proofreader is on vacation. She said it was the least she could do for the sagging economy. So this issue, punctuation and spelling be damned!

Take A Letter

Daniel A Garci writes ...

I just stumbled on to your ramblings, and while looking through them, noticed that you kept refering to Exit 8 in NJ as a hell-hole, while some other guy you quoted ( am too lazy to go and look for the name ) said that Exit 8 was a nice place. He also mentioned that he lived near Exit 109. My point is, that the Exit 8's are on different roads. The Exit 8 you refered to was on the NJ Turnpike ( no disagreement about your remarks on this point from me by the way ), and right smack in the middle of America's armpit. The exit 8 the other guy was talking about is probablt near Atlantic City, or just south, and is on the Garden State Parkway, and is far enough away from the armpit to be fine, though I've never been down there. Just thought you'd like to know.
Dan

Dan,

Have you ever heard of paragraphs?

I hate to burst your bubble, but we are all speaking of New Jersey. Not that I've actually been there, but because that's where morbit moved to. This is simply the old poking your "friends" with a sharp stick method of having fun.

Speaking of morbit, in case any of you old timers still read this rag, I heard that morbit is safe, and wasn't harmed in the attack.

Does Your Server Have the Worms?

In the past couple months two, count 'em, two major worms have struck Microsoft IIS web servers.

Now if you've been paying attention, you will already know that I am a Microsoft basher from way back. It is my opinion that The Redmond Company uses their economic power to kill companies, then it releases poor-quality software at high prices. (How much is that word processor in the window?) That said, I hope you'll hear me out on this.

What I don't understand is the public's (especially the IT community's) complete acceptance of Microsoft shipping web servers, mail clients and web browsers with such huge security holes. Nimda alone attacked three Microsoft products in more than 12 security holes. Yet IT departments still insist on using IIS, Outlook, and IE thinking they have a low cost of ownership.

As I pondered this The Gartner Group published the paper Nimda Worm Shows You Can't Always Patch Fast Enough (Sorry, Gartner doesn't make their articles linkable.) from which I quote, "Thus, using Internet-exposed IIS Web servers securely has a high cost of ownership. Enterprises using Microsoft's IIS Web server software have to update every IIS server with every Microsoft security patch that comes out almost weekly. However, Nimda (and to a lesser degree Code Blue) has again shown the high risk of using IIS and the effort involved in keeping up with Microsoft's frequent security patches."

In the course of my daily routine (you know, drinking Diet Coke and eating Twinkies), I called a customer I monitor to report that I was unable to contact their servers. They informed me that they had to completely disconnect from the internet because of the port 80 storm they were seeing on the day Nimda came out. Let me repeat this, because it is very significant. An entire Fortune 500 company was forced to drop from the internet because of Microsoft's bug. Now for the million dollar question. Why doesn't the world hold Microsoft financially accountable for the losses caused by their buggy software?

I know you don't sue Smith & Wesson when someone whips out a gun and sprays the crowd. Why? Because the gun is working as advertised. The shooter is not using the gun in a legal manner. But IIS, Outlook, and IE are clearly malfunctioning. When people complain, they are told that they are at fault for not installing all of the patches. This seems to be the software equivalent of blaming the rape victim. ("Well, they were coming on to me with their sexy dual-processor, multi-gig, cluster! They wanted it!")

So I put it to you; how can you continue to use these products when doing so puts your company at risk?

This Issue's Headline submission to the National Daily World Enquiring Globe.

Miss America Horribly Crippled Right After being Crowned!

New Speptor Modified for the "Handy-Capable"!

Let's play, "Who said this?"

Heard in the halls of various software companies.

"Are you denying that you are in denial?"

"If you stop asking me questions and figure it out for yourself, I'll give you a Twinkie."

"Okay, I'm going to go back an continue to be un-productive."
"You're going a hell of a job."

"You dumped your bike again? Shit, you need to have a talk with God."

"My brain doesn't go that fast, let alone my fingers."

"My hands are clean and my ass is covered!"

"Who the fuck are you, Johnny Telco?"

"Who do you identify with better, Gumby or Pokey?"

"What did you change?"
"Nothing, I swear! Everything is exactly as it was yesterday. And then last night we upgraded the LDAP server. But NOTHING changed!"
"Who are you bullshitting, me or yourself?"

Excuse Me

Just got another call. Time for another server delousing.

Fek'Lar
(Inventor of Chocolate Cheesy Bunny - Morale Officer - The Last Honest Geek)

Remember: The Crapolla contains my personal opinions. That's right they're mine, so get your own! And you kids get off my lawn! This whole mess is copyright © 2001 by LowComDom Performances, all rights reserved. Wanna send this to your friends? Go ahead and pass out the URL.

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EOJ

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