Fek'Lar
(The Last Honest Geek)
The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar
You Know You're DOOMED When...
you voluntarily start drinking Caffeine-Free Diet Coke.
You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.
This Crapolla is sponsored by...
In This Issue...
Why ink-jets suck. Why living in the Golden Triangle sucks. Why Columbia House sucks. And my usual comments about The Redmond Company.
I may have mentioned in the past that I don't work Fridays. It is against my religion - I'm a lazy person. It clearly says in my Holy Book, work as little as you can and take the money.
Friday has turned into "hang out with my unemployed buddies" day. There is usually lunch and a movie involved. One day after a film, the group dropped by Micro Center because Trouble was interested in buying a new printer.
The price of an HP ink-jet printer can be as low as fifty bucks. This took one of the group by surprise. HP doesn't really make money off of printers. They make it off the consumables - the ink.
How much profit do they make on ink? To replace the original ink cartridges that come with that fifty buck printer, you might pay sixty dollars. That's right, it can be cheaper to buy a new low-end printer every time you run out of ink.
You wonder why HP wanted to merge with Compaq?
Although Alan Greenspan is saying the economy is on the upswing, bean-counters in The Valley say unemployment will raise another 1 percent before the job situation gets any better.
It's damned tough out there. So tough, a guy in Toronto sent me his resume asking for a job. Looks legit, not spam. Now I can't be the job board finding a job for everyone, but if you're looking for an engineer experienced in Visual Basic, Visual C++, Visual J++, Visual InterDev, COM, DCOM, MFC, SDKs, MS-Access, MS-SQL, FoxPro, Java script and VB script, HTML and DHTML, drop me a line and I'll forward you this resume.
As for the rest of you, keep plugging at it. That sucking sound from the Golden Triangle has got to stop sometime.
I'm apparently in deep shit now. Years of working hard, paying my bills, being a good little consumer have all gone for not.
I just got a letter from the Columbia Video Club. They say I haven't bought all the tapes I promised to, and they are sicking their Collections Unit on me - for 38 dollars. (How much do collections people get paid, anyway?)
I may have to leave the country.
From The Do As I Say, Not As I Do File ...
Some cleaver geek discovered that a web site The Redmond Company and UNiSYS put up to coax companies to leave UNIX for Winders is run on ... a UNIX machine.
I guess they were worried that if they used Winders they might catch a virus or get hacked or something.
This Issue's Headline submission to the National Daily World Enquiring Globe.
Celebrities Don't Fart!
Rich and Famous Now Hiring 'Flatulence Assistants' to Vent Gas For Them
Let's play, "Who said this?"
Heard in the halls of various software companies.
"Don't feed her!"
"She's rapidly losing brain cells."
"I am ready for your funny questions."
"Think of owning a home is like dealing constructively with the IRS. Just show up with the biggest jar a Vaseline you can find and hope for the best!"
"You're really turning into a mature 10 year old."
"This cookie is as big as my head!"
"Nothing is THAT big!"
"Can we hurry up and go before I gnaw my paw off?"
"He's a hands-on guy, and that's good. But he doesn't know what he's doing, and that's bad."
"He's throwing snot-filled shit!"
Excuse Me
I have to go ignore the door bell.
Fek'Lar
(The Last Honest Geek)
Remember: The Crapolla contains my personal opinions. That's right they're mine, so get your own! And you kids get off my lawn! This whole mess is copyright © 2002 by LowComDom Performances, all rights reserved. Wanna send this to your friends? Go ahead and pass out the URL.
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EOJ
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