The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar

You Know You're DOOMED When...

Your iPod, disgusted by your play list, prints on the display, "Damn! You're Old!"

You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.

This Crapolla is sponsored by...

In This Issue...

Lions, and Tigers, and Pinko-Conservatives, oh my!

Karma Kicks In

In case you were wondering what that big "thud" was, it's your manager's MBO hitting the floor.

After three years of layoffs, managers are in danger of not getting their bonus because there's no one left to do the work. This is incredible Karma, because all during the lay offs many managers have turned into Hitler ordering the SS into the waves of Russian soldiers.

At The Bridge Company, the layoffs have been very deep. Even hardware designers have been let go. But the number of projects by and large have remained the same. Very few projects were cut. As another wave of workers were laid off, the managers just piled more projects onto the employees who were left. Morale has been driven into the basement.

But now there really aren't enough workers. Managers looking at their gant charts are calling meetings to ask why the projects are behind schedule. The answer over and over is that there is a position not filled. A task isn't getting done. Managers are fighting over who gets to use the worker.

The end of March is going to be a complete blood bath. Products are either not going to ship on time, meaning no bonus, or the product will be shipped with flaws. I'm guessing flaws will ship because I've seen that happen before. MBOs rarely require the product actually works.

Demand is up, it's time to start hiring people to build the products.

Pinko-Conservatives

These are exciting times. No, I'm not speaking of Crash's recent 40th birthday where I took every opportunity to let him know that his youth was dead and buried. I'm speaking of the new political fight going on between the religious right wing and everyone else.

The Bush battle cry is, "We have to save marriage!" Considering how many people get married every year, I doubt it is in danger. What Bush is really saying is, "We have to make sure only the 'right people' get married." The "right people" are not homosexual.

This argument that marriage is something that should only happen between a man and a woman had me wondering why anyone would care. But as I dug through the arguments I came to an interesting conclusion about George the Second.

The core of Conservative philosophy is that we need less government and that the government should stay out of our lives. Thus, Conservatives want fewer and simpler laws. However, there is a faction of the Conservative movement which believes this except for two areas of American life; what happens in the bed room and the Doctor's office. These Conservatives would like the Government to get right into what happens in a woman's womb as well as the sexual practices of consenting adults. For evidence of this see the anti-abortion movement, and the Georgia and Texas Sodomy Laws. In these two areas of American life, these Conservatives become nothing more than a bunch of Left-Wing Pinko Liberals!

Why would the normally Conservative person suddenly switch their philosophy? These Conservatives would like to repeal that part of the US Constitution that reads, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances."

These Conservatives have a problem with Gay Marriage because their religion has a problem with homosexuals. But instead of being good Conservatives and deciding that what other people do is none of their business, they have decided to become a bunch of Pinkos and use law to force their religion upon everyone else.

I'm not one who believes in the concept of races. I believe there is one species, human. The idea that there are races within this species makes no sense to me. It certainly doesn't fit into any biology teaching I ever had. That said, I am part of what is called a "mixed race" marriage. I am a glow-in-the-dark descendant of Britain and Ireland, and Mrs. Fek'Lar is from Viet Nam. Not so long ago my marriage would have been banned for very similar reasons that George the Second wants to use to ban Gay Marriage. The argument was that the races shouldn't mix. There are millions of people who still believe this. Where does this idea come from? The Old Testament. This is also where we learn that homosexuality is an abomination. So these worries about saving marriage is all about religion. The Pinko-Conservatives are working under the premises that it is ok to discriminate against homosexuals because they are going to hell anyway.

As you might surmises, I do not share this philosophy. And since I am arguing against the Pinko-Conservative position, you might conclude that I am a Lefty Liberal who isn't Christian. You would be half right. Politically, I am a pragmatist. I believe you look at any issue on it's own merits. But you would be right when you guess that I am not a Christian. I believe Jesus was a real person and said many great things, but I have no faith in Christian churches.

So why should my marriage to Mrs. Fek'Lar be governed by George the Second's religion? If we turn this equation around we will see the obvious answer. Why shouldn't George the Second's marriage be governed by my religion? Obviously, it shouldn't. But that is what George the Second is trying to do. He wants his religion to be the deciding factor.

Many religions and religious people have these blinders. They believe that their faith is the only true faith, and that all others must be made to conform for their own good. This blinders argument is behind Osama bin Laden's ideas that he was put on Earth to kill people who don't believe in his form of Islam. He's running under the premise that God created all of these other people just so Osama could kill them. What a load of crap! The First Amendment was written exactly because people do wear religious blinders.

If you don't want my religion governing your marriage, then you need to keep your religion out of mine. To that end, I have a solution. Government should get out of the marriage business altogether. Stop! I didn't say outlaw marriage, I said the government shouldn't be the authority. The Pinko-Conservatives want to give the Gays a Civil Union instead of marriage. I think this is a great idea - for all of us. The Civil Union is the legal glue that would hold families together. If one wants to get married, that's God's turf, and a religious authority would need to be used to create marriage. The two are separate, one is a function of government available to all, the other is a function of religion available to the faithful of the congregation. If you can find a priest willing to marry you, that should be good enough for the rest of us.

We have already learned that separate but equal does not work in this country. Why the hell are we interested in trying that again?

This Issue's Headline submission to the National Daily World Enquiring Globe.

Martha Guilty!

It's a Good Thing!

Let's play, "Who said this?"

Heard in the halls of various software companies.

"You say it's fun, but that's just the 'F' word to me!"

"What's you're favorite vegetable?"
"Corndog."

"It's the same piece of crap as usual."

"Did you RSVP? Guz, I'm the Party Nazi."

"I kind of envy women and their shoe choices."
"Is there something you need to tell us?"

"I'm tired today. Are there any meetings I can go sleep through?"

"How are you going to work a Diet Coke reference into this month's column?"
"Thank you."

Excuse Me

The John Birch Society is knocking at my door.

Fek'Lar
(The Last Honest Geek)

Remember: The Crapolla contains my personal opinions. That's right they're mine, so get your own! And you kids get off my lawn! This whole mess is copyright © 2004 by LowComDom Performances, all rights reserved. Wanna send this to your friends? Go ahead and pass out the URL.

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EOJ

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