The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar

You Know You're DOOMED When...

your Chiropractor can't see you because her back is killing her.

You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.

This Crapolla is sponsored by...

In This Issue...

Will I find Frankfurters in my lay over in Frankfurt?

The Saint Valentines Day Massacre

I had Valentines Day off. I was feeling sick and took that week as PTO.

The Twinkee called and asked me to meet her for coffee after work, and to not ask her any questions on the phone. This was strange. She never encroaches on my free time unless it's important. I agreed and decided to do some digging.

Logging into company email, I saw her boss had called a mandatory organizational meeting in two days. We don't do organizational meetings. We're not that organized. The meaning of the meeting was plain as day. There was no way this didn't mean layoffs. WTHAIS has just bought out one of our competitors. When two companies merge, workers lose their jobs.

The Twinkee confirmed my guess. All U.S. based people a grade below me were being let go in a few months. Their jobs would be done by a team in India. I was being tapped to train the Indians.

I found it interesting that I was being asked if I would go to India. The Twinkee wasn't sure I wouldn't just give her the finger.

As you read this, I am probably still on the plane to the other side of the planet. I've always wanted to see India, but not at the cost of my team's jobs. I've got mixed feelings about this.

I am the team trainer, even for the satellite offices. This is my job, I wasn't let go, and I haven't decided to quit. That means I'm going to do this training the best I can. My students rarely wash out, and those who graduate have a very high success rate. The Indian team will do well.

On the other hand, I am helping an act I detest; the wholesale slaughter of decent-paying American jobs.

I don't blame the Indian workers. Someone offered them a job, and they said yes, just like we did. Indian workers are just like us, they just live somewhere else, and make tons less money.

I blame the environment we work in where Wall Street investors expect to see intense cost slashing after a merger. I blame management who haven't got the balls to stand up and say, "These people are an asset" and then are shocked when labor hasn't got a feeling of loyalty to the company.

I see eight people, each in possession of a brain full of knowledge about the business, being asked to leave. If that's not a mismanagement of company assets, I don't know what is.

So here I am in a 747 helping management push those brains I trained out the door. I'm not at all happy about this. But there are a few harsh realities about The Valley we have to sober up and accept. I've mentioned before Rule One is Stay Employed. I can't stop these layoffs. Giving my boss the finger and storming out will do no one any good, especially me. What very few of us ever acknowledge is one of the other rules, Look Out For Number One. This Number One still has some house payments to make.

Do I sound like I'm rationalizing? I said I have mixed feeling, and when I'm in this mode, rationalization is a safe refuge.

The New Barometer

I took some visitors to Fry's. I normally go to the Sunnyvale Fry's where I know the location of every single item. But because of time constraints, we went to the Palo Alto store.

We were looking for PDA's, Mobile Phones, CD-R's, Diet Coke, and memory. I didn't know the location of these items in this store. As we were looking around, we were asked by a store employee if he could help.

Huh?

Didn't we go to Fry's, notoriously famous for employing people who haven't had their clues installed? How could this person possibly help me? Ok, just for fun, I rattled off the list of stuff we came to see. He started walking, and then motioned for us to follow. This guy took us to each department we needed to find.

Huh?

I've noticed the help is a bit more helpful at the Sunnyvale store as well. But this near-butler attention to our needs really knocked me up side the head. What could possibly explain this behavior? Consider the economics of labor.

In the 90's there was a shortage of qualified labor, so salaries skyrocketed. If you wanted a raise, you just changed jobs. At this time we also saw very poor service at Fry's.

Then dot bomb happened and a lot of very qualified people lost their jobs. Now labor was chasing the jobs. Salaries fell.

My second manager at Big A software had worked at a Mac store called Computerware. This store was famous for great staff knowledge, but they had a problem. People with real knowledge and talent wanted more money than a retail store could afford. The best people left and worked for a big corporation, such as Big A.

I think we can see a correlation between the abundance of labor and the competency of the staff at Fry's. If you consider that the economy of The Valley is only now beginning to recover from our Y2K hang over, there is still a lot of labor not in the game. Thus, they work for companies like Fry's while waiting for an opening back at the trough.

If I'm right, as the economy gets better, the service at Fry's should begin to suck again. Let's hope so.

This Issue's Headline submission to the National Daily World Enquiring Globe.

RIAA Says Copying Your CD to an iPod Not "Fair Use"

They Also Want Money For That Song You Can't Get Out of Your Head

Let's play, "Who said this?"

Heard in the halls of various software companies.

"Which part of 'Fuck You', didn't you get?"

"You're not getting the Miss Congeniality award."
"That's good, it would be inappropriate for two reasons."
"Oh? Are you married now?"

Excuse Me

The Captain just turned on the "No Screaming at the Top of Your Lungs" light.

Fek'Lar
(They pay me to think. These are my thoughts. Do you think they are getting their money's worth?)

Remember: The Crapolla contains my personal opinions. That's right they're mine, so get your own! And you kids get off my lawn!

Although written with the software professional in mind, my mind tends to wander all over the place, and I sometimes write about politics, mass stoopidity, dumb things I saw, and whatever else comes to mind.

From time to time, I use salty language, thus The Crapolla is not intended for children, or certain people in the Bush Administration.

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EOJ

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