The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar

You Know You're DOOMED When...

you visit the zoo and find the monkeys have a better management style than your boss.

You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.

This Crapolla is sponsored by...

In This Issue...

I need a region code on my phone.

Do DVD Region Codes Make Sense?

15 years ago when the DVD was beginning to show up on store shelves (yes, it's been that long) the Hollywood business model was that the movie would be released to theaters first, and six months later the video would come out. The foreign market would also receive the movie some time after the US release. Some countries would receive the movie for their theaters more than six months after the US theater release. The internet has changed all of this.

Because of the internet and the fact you can download any movie the day of the US release, Hollywood is stuffing the channel and trying to release the film in all countries at or about the same day. But it's not just the movie pirates who have driven this. Marketing costs have skyrocketed in the past 15 years. It's no longer economical to have separate marketing campaigns in each country. It makes more sense to have one big campaign.

It gets more interesting. Now the industry is realizing that the market has segmented. There are people who refuse to ever set foot in a theater again. The reasons are wide. Too expensive, cell phones ringing, movie out of focus, sound too loud, concessions cost too much, the Diet Coke is watered down, and most importantly, their home theater is way too convenient.

The DVD market is bigger than the theater market. So why would you make the DVD market wait two quarters to get the product? You wouldn't, and we are seeing the time between theater release and DVD release shrinking. Last year we saw it shrink to zero when the film Bubble released on DVD the same day as the theatrical release. This allowed for there to be only one marketing campaign that covered both the theater and the DVD release. It's good that they saved that money, because the film did no business. Partially because theater owners boycotted the film, and partially because it sucked.

If we accept that these gaps between the releases will continue to shrink, then you have to ask the question, what's the point of the DVD region codes? If you have region codes it means you have to pay to have masters for each region, and you have to maintain separate inventories for each region. In an industry that is trying to squeeze out marketing costs, doesn't it also make sense to drop the region codes? Yet, I just rented a movie that was released 50 years ago, and damned if it isn't region coded. What's the point? It's not like they're waiting for the Timbuktu theater release.

It amazes me how Hollywood which is as much a technology driven industry as any is in constant fear of technology. I'm sure someone is still pushing region codes as a way to stop piracy.

Hello? This is Barcelona Calling!

I am not a morning person. If I had my druthers, I would roll out of bed at the crack of noon. But in the line of work I do, being up and out of the house by 7 AM is a prerequisite to keeping Rule One in check. Monday through Friday, my alarm goes off at 6:40 AM, and I'm pulling out of the driveway 20 minutes later.

It was around 4 AM. I could read the 4 on the clock but the minutes didn't stick in my long-term memory. When my phone rings this early, it's never good. The fact that it was my land line and not the mobile WTHAIS provides means it's possible someone is extremely ill. At 4 AM it's never Wink Martindale calling to let me know that I won the big prize in a drawing I never entered.

"What?" I said when answering. One syllable, simple. The five dollar words don't come to me for a few more seconds after waking.

"Hello?"

"What?" Yes, clearly, I'm still booting.

"Hello? I'm in Barcelona. I found a phone."

"So what?" Hmmm, a two word sentence.

"This number was in the phone."

"What do you want me to do about it?" Ah! There we are, the brain's online now.

"I found a phone. Your number is in it."

"So what?" I hang up.

By now Mrs. Fek'Lar has stirred and asks what that was about. I tell her it's a bad dream.

The phone rings.

"Hello? I found a phone!"

"Call someone who cares!"

Click!

Later that day, I mentioned the calls, and was surprised to find a few more people had received the same. Then Mrs. Fek'Lar called and said she got a call at work.

Huh?

The only explanation is that the phone that was found in Barcelona was the same phone I used in Bangalore. But I had erased all of the numbers I put in that phone before I handed it to Fang. The phone had come back to California and was given to someone else who went on a business trip to Spain, where it was lost.

It's interesting that the person who found the phone was able to un-delete the numbers I deleted. This means phone memory is no different that a hard drive when it comes to deletions. The data remains until it is over-written. This is the sort of information phone manufacturers should publish considering the number of phones which are lost every year.

This Issue's Headline submission to the National Daily World Enquiring Globe.

Fox News Buys Sci Fi Channel!

Murdoch Sees Synergies in Writing Staffs

Let's play, "Who said this?"

Heard in the halls of various software companies.

"Here's some Buddhist Management, 'You have everything you need, but just don't realize it.'"
"Here's some Buddhist Engineering, 'The code is what the code is. Don't complain to me about it.'"

"How is it that Ed was working behind our backs?"

"I'm not faking it well."

"This ain't Germany where they get to take all of September off to drink followed by all of October to shop for new livers on the internet."

"'Yes, Dear' is a life-style, not just a statement."

Excuse Me

I have to break a resolution or two.

Fek'Lar
They pay me to think. These are my thoughts. Do you think they are getting their money's worth?

Remember: The Crapolla contains my personal opinions. That's right they're mine, so get your own! And you kids get off my lawn!

Although written with the software professional in mind, my mind tends to wander all over the place, and I sometimes write about politics, mass stoopidity, dumb things I saw, and whatever else comes to mind.

From time to time, I use salty language, thus The Crapolla is not intended for children, or certain people in the Bush Administration.

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EOJ

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