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The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar
You Know You're DOOMED When...
Finance schedules a never ending series of meetings to discuss your expense report.
You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.
This Crapolla is sponsored by...
In This Issue...
My Personal Episode of 24.
You have probably seen this by now. The Redmond Company has published videos of what it speculates the future of computing may look like. It was on most news channels and quite a triumph in the PR world. Microsoft Surface is a table-top OS where, by using one's fingers, a person can drag around objects and interact with data. If you haven't seen it, take a look at this demo, just so we're on the same page.
Some of this is very do-able. The restaurant scenario where people order from a virtual menu has already been done. I've seen it at an Arby's in San Jose. The concierge service is like Google maps on steroids. This will be great for hotels (which is the first target market).
The playing with your pictures application is flashy for a demo, but I don't see this being used that often even if you do get this into the home. I can see this used after someone goes on vacation and wants to do the 21st century equivalent of the slide show. As flashy as this is, it's not a killer app. People are going to get bored with it very soon.
What??? Sharing music? Has the RIAA seen this? We've always wondered what could kill off The Redmond Company. Looks like it will be a DMCA suit from the goose-stepping fascists in the record industry. Again, great demo, but in today's world what music can be shared? If this must be tied in the Zune there could be problems. I can't see this selling Surface tables by itself unless the Surface tables are inexpensive, and at this time, I'm thinking it's close to $5K per table.
Now the bad news. The re-occurring flaw in this demo, and perhaps this product, is that it relies on hardware makers and credit card issuers to change their products to work with The Redmond Company's product. The part where people are dividing the bill between their credit cards does not acknowledge one simple problem. The table can't read the magnetic strip on the credit card to know what it is, or whose it is. The application can't work without a universal change to credit cards.
The same is true of the PDA/Camera scenario. The camera is placed on the Surface and instantly the pictures appear on the screen. How? I don't know of a camera with high speed wireless capabilities. Blue Tooth wouldn't cut it, too slow.
My final conclusion is that this may not have even been a demo, it may have been a mock up. Since the credit cards and cameras required to do these functions don't exist, one speculates that what we saw was a video being played on a screen and actors matching the screen actions with their hand gestures.
It is a beautiful mock up/demo. It was so beautiful that you would have thought Apple did it. (I mean that as a compliment.) It's a clear statement that this is what part of the future may be. I'd like to see Surface in the flesh and play with it. The product ships in winter and will be placed in upscale hotels. I suspect the concierge and restaurant services (sans having your credit card read buy the table) will be functional. But I'll be pleasantly surprised if the rest is even close. It is one thing to release a video on the net, it's another to actually go build the product. That's what The Redmond Company now must do.
Manager 6 has been told to account for all of her time. (Gee, I wonder what that means!) She lives with a small notepad, documenting her every movement. I thought it would be amusing to document one of my days.
06:40 - Alarm clock triggered. I tossed it across the room. Note to self, patch dry wall and re-paint.
06:45 - Picked out today's T-Shirt, "Intercourse Thou".
07:00 - Wayfarers on, garage door up, engine on, pull out of garage, door close, pull out of drive way, flipped it to "D" and ZOOM!
07:30 - Arrived at WTHAIS headquarters. Conned the security guard into letting me in.
07:31 - Cracked open Diet Coke #1 and took medication.
07:35 - Pressed the power button on my StinkPad.
07:45 - Winders XP finished loading. Clicked the icon for LookOut, and headed for the head.
08:30 - Opened Diet Coke #2.
09:00 - Conference call with India. Explained that "Good Morning" is considered an oxymoron in North America.
09:15 - Did actual high-tech work.
09:23 - Ate candy.
09:25 - Opened Diet Coke #3.
10:00 - Took a break, allowed brain to cool.
10:05 - Made prank phone call from Manager's phone.
10:07 - Did more actual high-tech work.
10:45 - Peed, washed hands.
10:50 - Put a dollar in the "Who's Quitting Next?" pool. Bet on myself, as usual. One day, I'm going to win!
11:00 - Checked stock prices.
11:30 - Lunch Hour.
13:00 - Back from Lunch Hour.
13:10 - Peed. washed hands.
13:30 - Met with Product Managers to explain why their products suck. Opened another Diet Coke.
14:00 - Did more High-Tech work.
15:30 - Explained to others the danger in tilting a candy machine.
17:00 - Conference call with India.
17:15 - Screamed "Yabadabadoo!" and ran out to the car.
17:20 - Sat in traffic jam.
18:00 - Arrived at Casa de Fek. Turned on the news and took a nap.
18:30 - Ate junk food. Called it dinner.
18:45 - Put a new case of Diet Coke in the fridge for tomorrow.
19:00 - Wrote silly crap on my laptop in front of the Sony. Periodically, Peed, washed hands, opened another Diet Coke.
02:00 - Went to bed.
I don't know why my Number 6 says it's hard to keep track of her time. Seems easy to me.
The notification emails for The Crapolla will discontinue effective immediately. The RSS feed will be the only notification method from now on. Considering the headaches in keeping a list running, and getting email through everyone's spam blockers, RSS is a far better solution. The URL to put in your RSS aggregator is http://www.lowcomdom.com/crapolla/index.rss.
This Issue's Headline submission to the National Daily World Enquiring Globe.
Angelina Jolie Adopts Entire Planet!
Guys Line Up for Breast Feeding
Heard in the halls of various software companies.
"There's a 4 bit processor in my 2 bit manager's brain."
"They're British, I think they just make this shit up."
"Our systems are shit."
"It is a good day to get fired!"
"The standard mode of this application is crashed."
"He didn't pass the retard test."
I have to explain why Galaxy Bars are a legitimate business expense.
Fek'Lar
They pay me to think. These are my thoughts. Do you think they are getting their money's worth?
Remember: The Crapolla contains my personal opinions. That's right they're mine, so get your own! And you kids get off my lawn!
Although written with the software professional in mind, my mind tends to wander all over the place, and I sometimes write about politics, mass stoopidity, dumb things I saw, and whatever else comes to mind.
From time to time, I use salty language, thus The Crapolla is not intended for children, or certain people in the Bush Administration.
This whole mess is copyright © 2007 by LowComDom Performances, all rights reserved. Wanna send this to your friends? Go ahead and pass out the URL.
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EOJ
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