British Threat Levels

The British are feeling the pinch as a result of the recent bombings, with security levels recently being raised from "miffed" to "peeved". Soon though, the levels may be raised yet again to "irritated" or even "a bit cross". Londoners have not been "a bit cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.

In a simultaneous move, terrorists have been re-categorised from "tiresome" to "a bloody nuisance." The last time a "bloody nuisance" warning level was issued was during the great fire in 1666.

And it should come as no surprise that British military alertness is also rising in line with our security levels as a response to the ongoing threat, shifting from "pretend nothing's happening" to "make another cup of tea". Many see it as only a matter of time before the highest level of "remain resolutely cheerful" is invoked.

Chin up!