Fek'Lar
(The Last Honest Geek)
The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar
You Know You're DOOMED When...
You boss tells you that whatever you do for her birthday, make sure it's not obscene and keep it restricted to your own building - right after you've put up all the posters.
You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.
This Crapolla is sponsored by...
In This Issue...
Bitching about WTHAIS
Never Call on the Idiot savant
I couldn't believe this. At a recent WTHAIS All-Hands meetings our CEO called on some of the new people to introduce themselves. Apparently we hired a strategist who is an Idiot savant. When asked to tell us about his family, this guy didn't say the obligatory couple of sentences and shut up. No, he talked about his wife for what I was told was a solid thirty minutes.
As I mentioned in crap9901, my meeting strategy is to show up late and stay near the door. After the first five minutes of this death march, I was gone. I also understand he went on to explain how his dog ended up with a Social Security number.
This guy is one of those people who can focus their entire self onto a problem. When you get him going on a topic, you can set his pants on fire, and he won't notice. This is great for someone who is a deep strategist, but unless the CEO had planned to torture the staff (which isn't entirely out of the question), this was a really stupid idea. Meetings are expensive. Get on with it.
There are times when I am a Luddite. When it comes to stocks, I want a broker who has a near-by store front so I can barge in and scream at someone after they have embezzled my money. My checking account still returns my checks. And although I am paid via direct deposit, I insist in WTHAIS to provide me a pay stub on paper.
Every pay period I get a little note reminding me to sign up for an electronic pay stub. This so the finance department doesn't have to print them and come by and hand it to me. The little reminder tells me how expensive this is. We'd have money for this, if that guy would SHUT UP about his wife!
Look, I'm working my ass off for the cause. The least the company could do is hand me the check.
This Thanksgiving we at WTHAIS had a contest to see which group could donate the most food to Second Harvest Food Bank. A few days before the deadline the Q.A. group was in first place. The Q.A. Manager was strutting around like a cockerel who's just banged every hen in the house.
Just before the deadline everyone else brought their food in and buried Q.A. I'm happy to say my group won by several hundred cans of food.
This lead to some great gloating over the Q.A. Manager. "Oh look, you LOST! In fact the only group you beat was Product Management. I suspect the only reason they did worse than you was they didn't have a Gant Chart telling them to release the food!"
Damn, I love to win! The prize was 500 bucks to spend as we pleased. We decided to donate it to Second Harvest as well. What a great Win-Win. We get to strut around calling the Q.A. Manager a loser, and poor people get to eat. Only in America!
This Issue's Headline submission to the National Daily World Enquiring Globe.
Jacko Releases New CD!
Prince of POP Covers "Jailhouse Rock"!
Let's play, "Who said this?"
Heard in the halls of various software companies.
"What was that guy's wife's name?"
"I saw a Yugo with a RADAR detector. I thought that was hilarious."
"Arnold Shwarzenegger looks like a condom filled with walnuts."
Excuse Me
It's time to move closer to the door.
Fek'Lar
(The Last Honest Geek)
Remember: The Crapolla contains my personal opinions. That's right they're mine, so get your own! And you kids get off my lawn! This whole mess is copyright © 2003 by LowComDom Performances, all rights reserved. Wanna send this to your friends? Go ahead and pass out the URL.
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EOJ
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