The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar

You Know The Bartender Cheated You When...

The Worm Bites Back!

You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.

This Crapolla is sponsored by...

In This Issue...

Facing an IPO, Sayonara to 4Q2, and Zombie politics.

Take A Letter

Well-known Car-Enthusiast Down-Under Mark Hepworth writes...

What protocol do you use when Praying?

Answer: UDP

Justification : Because you never expect a reply and are happy when one turns up.

Very good. You win a set of leaf springs for your vintage British Leyland Princess.

Fek

Facebook IPO

Oh, Wall Street is a buzz! The money-suckers are circling. A big, juicy tech startup has filed to go public. If you're not careful, you might get investment banker drool on you.

Down here on Earth, let's remember something important we've seen in other IPOs. Most of the Facebook employee stock options will have a restriction preventing the shares from being traded in the six months that follow the IPO. What we normally see is a huge run up of the stock price right after the IPO. This is caused by the press and investment bankers talking up the stock and acting like you're going to miss out on a fortune if you don't jump in.

As the IPO wanes, the price starts to trickle down until all the suckers have been exhausted. At IPO plus six months, the employee restricted stock hits the market and the price drops some more. If you're going to buy Facebook, you don't want to buy before this day.

We're seen this movie before. Just Sayin'.

Sayonara 4Q2

Recently, I switched from Android to an iPhone. The reasons are numerous, but purely a fulfillment of wants, not needs. The Droid X worked, and I was impressed with its ability to perform noise cancelation when talking on the phone, walking next to a busy street.

Many have noticed how the iPhone/Android market battle is very much like the Mac/PC battle of the late 80's and early 90's. The Mac was built by one company, and the PC by everyone else. The PC grabbed more marketshare. The same has happened in phones. The iPhone defined the space, and Android is mimicking the iPhone basic look and feel. But just like the Mac/PC battle, the differences between the iPhone and Android are significant.

First, the fit and finish of iPhone just blows Android out of the water. Oh, you'll play with an Android device when you first get it. But later I only carried it because I was paid to. On the flip side, I would also carry an iPod because it fit my lifestyle better, and frankly, was a whole lot more fun to use.

The Android phone worked, but it seemed to have a really crappy bluetooth antenna. The Fekmobile was having a hell of a time pairing with it. By dumping the Droid, I got better bluetooth pairing, and one fewer item in my pockets.

The iPhone is also smaller. All of the Android ads are now going on and on about how big their screens are. Guys, you've jumped the shark. The new phones are getting too big. Make them small, yet useful. The iPhone is perfect when it comes to size as I think you can get.

There is one drawback. I use Google Voice. The version for iPhone is significantly less useful than the one for Android. You can argue that the Android version is better integrated because both the OS and the App are written by the same company. But I don't buy that. I believe the iPhone version is crippled because Apple wouldn't not have allowed it in the App Store if the App was able to be the phone's default dialer. The compromise feature, which dials you from Google's location and then dials the number you want to call, is not well integrated with the iPhone's address book. This crappiness is the fault of Apple. It's part of their iron-fisted attitude about what's allowed and what's not. I've written in the past that this is a big problem. In fact, I would not invest money in a project destined for iPhone unless I could get an assurance from Apple that my App would be allowed in the store. Apple doesn't hand these assurances out.

Then there is the issue of getting operating system upgrades. With the iPhone, you can have the upgrade when it comes out for everyone else. With Android you get the versions of the OS that your carrier says you can have. Oh, and no one outside of Google can tell you the feature set of any of their cutesie code names. What's in ice cream sandwich? Beats me. Uh... ice cream and sandwich? It doesn't matter, Verizon wouldn't let me have it.

Sayonara, 4Q2. You're gone, and mostly forgotten.

What Happens When We're Out of Zombie Food?

Here's a major flaw in every zombie movie ever made. What happens when there aren't any more humans to eat? I know, the liberal zombies will start making arguments regarding conservation of humans so there will be a food supply for many generations to come. The conservative zombies will argue that that there is such a large population of humans, zombies will never be able to convert them all.

Even with zombies, it's nothing but politics!

Fat or Thin Steve Jobs?

I see a software company in Hungary is going to erect a 7 foot-tall bronze statue of El Jobso. This reminded me of the big debate when the U.S. Postal Service was going to release a stamp for Elvis. Would the stamp be young-thin Elvis or fat-old Elvis? But in El Jobso's case the thin/fat debate is reversed.

I think the statue should be not too thin and not too fat, and maybe it should be a little more than just Steve. Perhaps he can be in an elevator firing someone.

This Issue's Headline submission to the National Daily World Enquiring Globe.

It's The Year of the Dragon

Frat Guys Will Be Making "Bruce Lee" Sounds All Year

Let's play, "Who said this?"

Heard in the halls of various software companies.

"I looked at your ass. Keep running."

"I'd be a master cat burglar if not for all of theses security cameras."

"Don't you love it when a vegetarian is given explosives?"

"The purpose of the game is to make you waste a lot of time and collect a lot of shit."

"I need a list of all unknown bugs in your code."
"You need a logic upgrade."

Excuse Me

We're low on Diet Coke.

Fek'Lar
They pay me to think. These are my thoughts. Do you think they are getting their money's worth?

Remember: The Crapolla contains my personal opinions. That's right they're mine, so get your own! And you kids get off my lawn!

Although written with the software professional in mind, my mind tends to wander all over the place, and I sometimes write about politics, mass stoopidity, dumb things I saw, and whatever else comes to mind.

From time to time, I use salty language, thus The Crapolla is not intended for children, or certain people from the Christian Right.

feed available from http://www.lowcomdom.com/crapolla/index.xml

EOJ

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