The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar

You know you're screwed when...

Mark Zuckerberg is Defending Your Privacy Against the Government.

You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.

This Crapolla is sponsored by...

In This Issue...

Turn out the lights...

It's Official - The Pots Are Calling The Kettle Black

I was wondering what I was going to write about in the holiday season. Then The Valley gave me a gift with a big red bow on top.

As you know, The Government is spying on us and invading our privacy, and shredding the Constitution for our own good. This is ever since Osama bin Laden murdered 3,000 people, giving The Government the excuse it always wanted.

Enter Apple, AOL, Facebook, Google, Twitter, LinkedIn, Yahoo and Microsoft who have been spying on us professionally. They and others track our every movement, all authorized in terms of use statements no one expects an end user to understand even if they read it. They could have just written it in Swahili and it would have made as much sense to the average user.

The gang of eight are upset because the rest of the world has learned that not only has the gang been the door mat for The Government, who serves them with court orders at all hours of the day. We've now learned that The Government has been tapping the gang's physical internet connections. The Government has been spying on the spies.

Someone cue Claude Rains to shout that he's shocked that there's gambling happening in this casino.

The gang isn't really upset that they are being spied on. The rest of the world has been rejecting the gang's contract bids because of the gang's involvement with The Government's spying. I don't really think they're at all concerned for you and me.

The Valley is strong with hypocrisy.

Colossus: The Wells Fargo Project

If you're like me, (you poor bastard!) you only use a bank as a weigh station for your paycheck, and operating capital. Banks pay just about nothing in interest, so other than being a safe parking place, there is no reason to have very much money in one.

If we can agree on that, it becomes clear that from time-to-time you need to move money out of your bank into some other business where it can be invested in hopes of a better return. I've been doing this about once a quarter for a long time.

One day, I logged into Wells Fargo to move money somewhere else, and found that I could transfer only about 1,500 bucks to the other business. Huh? That's nowhere near what I was going to move.

Wells has been a good bank for me over the decades. They've been especially helpful when I've traveled and either wanted currency from other countries, or specific U.S. notes. (Many countries want U.S. money, but only newer 100's, clean, no creases, no blemishes.) I thought I'd drop into the local branch and get this easily fixed.

I worked with the Assistant Manager. He asked if I spoke with the web people. I informed him that anyone the public can get to concerning the web site, are unable to do anything for the customer. (I've noticed this is true with many companies. Front line people cannot do anything but parrot what they are told.)

The Assistant Manager called someone deep in the bowels of the bank. According to them, no human could raise the limit of funds I want to transfer out of the bank. No human. A computer could, but only if I do a hell of a lot of transfers. Doing a hell of a lot of transfers triggers fees.

I looked the Assistant Manager in the eye and said, "You've lost control of the bank."

After about three seconds I saw his face drop. No more smile, he just realized he was a drone working for a cold computer program.

I pointed out there was no limit to the size of check I could write. Processing a check is more expensive for a bank. It's also slower for me. But if that's the only route I have, OK. But why should I stop there? Wells Fargo has become predatory in attempting to sequester my money in their bank. I just want to point that out. It's my money.

Sometime when you have time, find an episode of The Beverly Hillbillies. There was a character who was Jed Clampett's banker. In his pea brain he really though Jed's money was his. Every time Jed wanted to do something that took money out of the Commerce Bank of Beverly Hills, he'd just about have a heart attack. That's how Wells is acting. They want to lock up my money as if it were theirs.

Not only have I sent a big check to my investment account, I'm looking for a new place to park money. I don't have a lot of options because the Too Large To Fail banks were made bigger by The Government right after they almost destroyed America in 2007. I've looked at the credit unions. Not one near me has hours other than 9 to 5 Monday through Friday, just when I'm at work 20 miles away.

Where will I land? I don't know.

Evernote^®

I think I've mentioned that I really love Evernote^®. It's a wonderful bit of software as a service. Lately, I've noticed something else out of EverNote^®, effective marketing.

This is extremely rare in The Valley. Most marketing I've experienced has been real hackery. What I'm seeing from EverNote^® is inspired. Lately, when a new feature comes out, I get an email with a link to a video introducing the feature, and really selling its usefulness. These vids kind of remind you of the Apple "Stepford" ads where Apple executives look like zombies as they recite the company's pitch. They have the flavor in the lighting and music, but the kool-aid^® mentality isn't there. It's casual, and matter of fact, and they don't clobber you over the head.

I like it. They gave me a new shiny thing, and then sent me something to tell me all about it. Now I can get excited about the new shiny thing.

And They Lived, Happily Ever After...

The End

This is the last regularly scheduled issue of The Crapolla. I promised you four this year because I've taken on a new project that's eating up most of my time. I'm about 19 months into the new project and I'm finishing my first draft. That doesn't bother me at all. I'm having the time of my life writing a novel.

I use different voices in writing. This rag is cynical. The novel is very much the opposite. It's a story about how the future is going to be awesome. It's extremely difficult to switch gears. The result is The Crapolla doesn't get worked on nearly as much as it deserves. I'd rather be in the other space.

One of the broad topics in the story is how the mind works. One thing I've discovered is when you write in an optimistic voice, you feel happier. That's probably why I'm having such a great time.

There's not much more I can say about the software industry. It's still run mostly by people who think if they just say "black is white", that it will be so. I've stopped trying to help the mentally deficient at WTHAIS. I've decided that it's just trying to teach the pig to sing.

I think it's time to hang up The Crapolla. I'll not commit to writing any more of this rag, but I may toss one out someday if I feel compelled.

The Crapolla was created one week when I had the very early duty at Green Lizard. I'd babble into email for an hour and send it out to the department every morning. There was a lot to say back when most of you were just getting on the internet. Just as I am mentally preparing myself for retirement in a few years, I've been getting ready to retire this as well. It's time.

This Issue's Headline submission to the National Daily World Enquiring Globe.

Justin Bieber is Retiring

(His Underwear)

Let's play, "Who said this?"

Heard in the halls of various software companies.

"You put the STD in stud."

"Well, at least it was a total waste."

"If you had your own car, I wouldn't have to smell you."

"Yes, we suck. But we suck better than anyone else!"

"Server Admins are a higher class of riff-raff."

"Wow! This guy's got a lot of piss in his vinegar."

"It's an AA program at Heald College."
"Why don't I just read some fifth grade books instead?"

"Well, get email or something. I'm not paying 7 bucks an hour to chat, which is mostly another episode of Lost!"

"All musicians look the same, like someone fucked a parrot."

"Good morning, Crackpots!"

"She drank a whole lot in college. So, she's using her degree."

"She's Indian."
"Which type? Feather or Dot?"

"What kind of yogurt is that?'
"It's either fruit, or blueberry."

Excuse Me

I need to change the locks.

Fek'Lar
They pay me to think. These are my thoughts. Do you think they are getting their money's worth?

Remember: The Crapolla contains my personal opinions. That's right they're mine, so get your own! And you kids get off my lawn!

Although written with the software professional in mind, my mind tends to wander all over the place, and I sometimes write about politics, mass stoopidity, dumb things I saw, and whatever else comes to mind.

From time to time, I use salty language, thus The Crapolla is not intended for children, or certain people from the Christian Right.

feed available from http://www.lowcomdom.com/crapolla/index.xml

EOJ

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